Some context:

This is a parent, daughter, boyfriend (age 21) problem

I am turning 21 in July, I currently live with my parents and younger sister while I go to school. I have ALWAYS been very honest and upfront with my family. I think in their house they make the rules and I have always strived to respect that. I am what I would call a “good kid”, I never argue, never push, get excellent grades, never yell, never sass, I have a job, and I love my bf of 7 months.

My bf and I are very against sex before marriage, and are on the same page. So there is no “danger” of things going sexual in that manner

My bf and I also live an hour away, and he also loves with his family and adult brothers but in a very different family environment. Because they are adults they are allowed to do as they please (to an extent)

So my parents (age 63 and 62) are very covid cautious (like we have to quarantine our mail and groceries still kind of cautious), and I have respected that the entirety of the pandemic. I wasn’t able to even kiss my bf until a few weeks ago when we were both fully vaccinated. I have basically put my life on hold since I was 19 (turned 20 in pandemic) and have not eaten in a restaurant, eaten take out, gotten to really see friends (I don’t currently have any near me).

So I have chosen to not bring my bf around to really meet my family. I love my family but do not like them. I personally think my real with my mom is toxic and unfortunately I despise my parents marriage and will do anything in my power to not end up like them. I have in the past brought bf’s around and have always found it uncomfortable and to me not very meaningful because I don’t exactly have that bond with my parents and I don’t see them as individuals who have done well in marriage and creating a relationship. Unfortunately they see themselves as experts on me and think we have an excellent bond. I also didn’t bring him around because of covid and it feels weird introducing him at 6feet away when they can’t even see his face cuz if the mask. My bf also is very different from past partners, he is more quite and reserved with strangers. He also has ADHD and social anxiety and past traumas in family setting which for him just make formal situations like that even more uncomfortable.

So my parents are upset that They haven’t met my bf yet and basically said I have unnecessarily created tension and now it would be near impossible for them to like him. I told them that passing that judgment would be their choice and their doing. That was unappreciated by them and they are very upset that he isn’t being a “good man”, by not meeting them, by not hanging out in my yard (cuz of covid he isn’t allowed inside), not hanging out in my area ( there is nothing fun or open in my town), and by “forcing” me to drive an hour to him (i choose to drive, and told them this. I choose to do so because there are more shopping centers a d activities by him).

This whole thing started because I asked/let them know I would be spending tomorrow night at his house (I finally got 2 days off in a row). Out of consideration for them I wanted to keep them in the loop about my decisions and choices as an adult because I live under their roof. They flipped. It lead to a 3 hour conversation about how I have no morals, hardly know this guy ( I have discussed everything with my bf we have the same morals, foundations and visions for the future, and have gone above and beyond with hard conversations and openness) , that his family must have no morals for allowing that, and how completely inappropriate that would be for me to do and for him to ask (it was a mutual choice/decision) in general but especially before meeting my parents formally. My mother then informed me that spending the night with a man in his room would be completely in appropriate until I was married. They begged me to not stay the night regardless of if I was having sex. Then telling me it makes me look like I’m “easy” if I do it. I have repeatedly informed my family that I am not sexually active and will not be until after marriage. I’m so lost and confused and just conflicted. I know what I and my bf want (and my bf family loves me and is totally fine with me spending the night) but it makes me sick to my stomach that my parents see me in that way. I know I need to move out, my situation is a bit complicated at the moment but I am saving everything I can as I’m looking to transfer schools in the coming semesters. I literally just cried on my bathroom floor trying to decide what to do. Any input would be greatly appreciated ❤️