I can’t talk to my bf about my mental health? TW!!!!SH

It was my bday in April and I wasn’t doing good mentally; definitely the worst time of my life so far. In general I’ve been quite low. I didn’t feel like hiding my true thoughts since we all know lying to the people we love about our mental state is so exhausting and draining. And I didn’t want to hide my true self to my bf. So I explained how I wasn’t doing good and I couldn’t believe it was my bday since it didn’t feel like it. He was kinda low that day, not speaking as much and a lil moody. A couple weeks later I brought that up and he said one of the reasons was probably the fact that i saying how it didn’t feel like my bday and how bad I felt so that made him feel shitty since my mood had an affect on his mood. That really made me feel horrible, the fact that I opened up about how I was feeling and he blamed the fact that he was a lil moody on me, just because I wanted to be honest.

I remember in the past he also said that when I express that I’m feeling low he would “obviously feel low”. That doesn’t make me want to express how I’m truly feeling to him, because why would I tell him if he’s going to make it a reason for him feeling down because I’m upset?

(In general I’m a positive person, I am not the type to bring anyone’s mood down with my issues when it’s not appropriate. I love to be positive for other people, since I dislike negativity and it’s so normalised to have a negative outlook on life now.)

If it were the other way around, and he expressed to me that he was going through a rough patch mentally, I would make sure I wouldn’t bring myself into the equation and mention how it makes me sad that he’s upset. Because I wouldn’t want him to feel bad about expressing how he truly feels to someone he loves.

I also self harmed not too long ago, is that something I should bring up to him? I haven’t told anyone. I’ve been going through a lot mentally and I haven’t told him what’s really going on because I don’t want to be ‘negative’. He’s also a positive person, and believes in negative energy. I think that this mentality shouldn’t be kept up when it comes to someone confiding in how they truly feel.

I know that when a loved one expresses their bad mental state that it’s obviously going to have an affect on you since you love them, but would you tell them this? Would you tell them that they are the cause of you feeling a bit sad?