This is probably going to be lengthy. I’m seriously considering leaving my fiancé. We just had a baby 3 weeks ago and everything was perfect between us. Now since we’ve had our baby, everything has gotten bad. His mother came over 3 days after our daughter was born and accused me of starving our daughter because my milk hadn’t come in. She made us go on formula. I regret it since because now my supply sucks. But it was a really upsetting experience being treated like I knew nothing, like I was harming my daughter and needed saving. She also did this in front of the whole family. It was so embarrassing and I felt so ashamed. Then a week later she was messaging me throughout the night demanding I give her exact amounts of what I was feeding her and when, etc etc. She called me the next morning in a panic saying our baby had jaundice and needed medical attention because she’s sleeping too much and looks yellow. She then said “you’d know these things if you had just done a prenatal course”. I was furious but my priority was my baby’s health so I contacted a doctor and she turned out to be fine.

A little background is that this woman has caused me so much grief from the time I met her. We got pregnant unexpectedly a year ago and she begged me to have an abortion. She would message me non stop. She called my baby a mistake. We then lost the baby and she was so happy. When we told her we were trying again, she went cold on us. When I got pregnant again, the whole pregnancy she made snide remarks saying “we don’t know what we’re getting ourselves into” or talking to me like I knew NOTHING about babies. It was insulting and upsetting. Then around 23 weeks we were told our baby might have a Down’s syndrome (she doesn’t) but when his mom found out, she called me yelling at me telling me to have an abortion and I don’t realize how hard it’s going to be having a baby with Down’s syndrome. After a week of crying, I decided to call her and explain how I felt and tried to reconcile. The phone call went well and I was under the impression that her awful behaviour would stop there. It didn’t. She’s been implying I’m not ready for a baby or don’t know what I’m doing the whole time.

After all these issues, my fiancé stood by and let her speak to me this way. Finally after the whole thing with jaundice, I said enough. My mommy bear came out and I told him I wanted her out. He didn’t want to and I felt so bad asking him to but I’ve been a wreck and I have tolerated so much but I will not tolerate having a person around who thinks I was wrong for having my baby or thinks I’m wronging her. I will NOT have it. I’ve swallowed my tongue and been pushed around by her for over a year now but now that we have a baby, my responsibility is to her and I can’t be a good mom while I have a grandma hanging over my shoulder telling me I’m incompetent. I’ve been crying for a week now feeling like garbage. Feeling like I’m failing my baby. Feeling like I made a mistake having her because she deserves a mom so much better than me. So my fiancé unwillingly called her and told her we wanted to cut her off. I made it very clear to her that it’s my decision. I explained why. She was so manipulative and tried to make it sound like I was making things up and causing problems. It was a disgusting cry fest. The two of them crying on the phone saying goodbye like they were going off to war. And I feel so bad being the person causing this. I just can’t win. But I’ve been feeling bad cutting off my daughter from her grandmother so I told her I’m not interested in a relationship with her myself but I don’t want that for my daughter. I asked her to come over and see her.

I thought my fiancé would be happy that I did that but he wants me to reconcile with her. Again. He says it’s not enough to let her see our daughter, I need to be on good terms with her. I lost my mind when he said this and he started yelling at me saying I’m the reason he doesn’t have a family and I made him do this. He was swearing at me and telling me I ruined his family. I can’t believe he’s saying this after all that’s happened. After over a year of letting her abuse me and steam roll me. He’s obviously made his choice and it’s her. Not to mention, she verbally and emotionally abused him his whole life. And he has the scars to prove it. When I met him he was so broken from all the emotional damage she put him through. I have done nothing but loved him for everything he is and given him the love he’s craved his whole life. But his loyalty is still to her. I don’t regret my baby but I regret having a baby with him. If that makes sense. I love her to pieces but I can’t keep being treated like a doormat. I don’t want to ruin my poor little baby’s family but maybe it’ll be more ruined if I stay with him and just keep taking bullshit from him and his family. I wish he had protected me and chosen me over her. I’m so heartbroken and feel so trapped.

My question is, is this grounds to leave him? What about our daughter? We were so in love before but shit just got real. We’ve overcome mountains. Our relationship has not been easy. He’s stuck with me in times that he absolutely shouldn’t have. We’ve grown together and changed together and I had no doubt in my mind he was the one until he chose his mother over me and my well-being.