My baby basically “cluster fed” full time for the first month and gained no weight. So we just kept trying until it was finally figured out that she wasn’t transferring milk, so she was actually starving, not cluster feeding.

She had lip and tongue tie revisions and went to a chiropractor and things never got better. Nursing and pumping and bottle feeding constantly got to be so much, so I went to exclusive pumping and I’ve been doing that for several months. I was devastated and I thought I had gotten past it but tonight I of course saw something that said the new research is pointing to direct breastfeeding being more beneficial than pumping, which I know I shouldn’t let it get to me but it did.

I tried to latch my baby, she was hysterical, like immediately.

I don’t understand, if I were to put any toy or probably anything else to her mouth she would take it. But that’s the reaction I get going anywhere near her? I feel so rejected and I opened the old wounds and I still wish I could make it work. Has anyone made it work?

She’s 6 months now. I know it has been done but it seems so impossible and I don’t want to torture her or myself but I just miss it and I am so tired of pumping.