Some hope, a sign

A couple weeks ago, I started my period. A new cycle. As much as I was so ready to not start another cycle, I gained some inner peace oddly. After 33 cycles or feeling defeated, I got a sign of hope. Some people might not believe in signs, but I do. I keep seeing signs that tell me to trust the process and keep going, no matter how hard. We've been trying this long both with and without medication and not received a single positive pregnancy test. As horrible as this sounds, sometimes I wish I would have at least had a chemical pregnancy to know its at least possible for me to get pregnant again. We both decided that we don't want to try iui or ivf simple because it's just not in our budget right now or will be anytime soon. I was crushed when we made this decision, but I know it's the right one. My husband and I were driving back home from camping last weekend and I was thinking about how I should work on accepting the fact that getting pregnant again is a slim possibility for us. I was looking out the window watching the clouds and saw this small little cloud next to some bigger ones and it reminded me of an early developed fetus. And I felt a strong surge of hope in that moment. Just because it's not happening right now, doesn't mean it won't happen at all. I'm learning to trust this process, even though it's a lengthy one for us. I'm learning to love myself and take care of physical and mental health during this time. Just because this journey is rough, doesn't mean my overall health needs to be rough.

For all those ttc, stay strong. I know its a tough path to walk. But you have to keep your head held high even when it gets rough. ❤