Is there anyone else like this ☹️

I've been with my fiance for five years now. I am deeply in love with him and absolutely adore this man. But there are small things that I can't get him to understand.

I absolutely hate people spending money on me, and I CANT STAND to spend money on myself unless it's an absolute necessity (like pads, deodorant, soaps etc). Even then I cringe so hard to even do it. There have been times I would start grabbing stuff to buy for myself but I would get hot and dizzy even putting the stuff in my cart/basket that I end up leaving the cart/basket with stuff and nearly running out of the store. I damn near hyperventilate waiting in line to buy myself a cheap water and a pack of cigarettes.

My fiance always wants to buy me things. Recently for mother's day (after my protest to not get me anything from him and the kids, I would just like to spend my day with them and make memories) he reserved us dinner and bought me a necklace and a whole outfit. I swear I was shaking the entire time. I felt like I didn't deserve any of it. I felt bad he felt the need to buy me anything. I still do. It's constantly repeating in my head he did. I feel ashamed that he went out of his way to do that. I would have much rather spent the money on the kids or him get something for himself or maybe something for the house, not me.

Note, I'm currently a stay at home mom. So I don't provide any income for our family. My fiance has been the money maker. But, he always pushes me to go out and do things by myself too. Which I don't mind but I don't want to go get my hair done, or my nails. I don't want to go shopping for clothes for myself. I'm more comfortable in the same few outfits I've had the last 9 years. I love how he tries to encourage me to go out while he keeps the kids. But spending any money on myself is too much. I know it bothers him, I've tried so many times to explain to him I don't like too. He always hits me with the "I don't understand, I want you to be happy and feel good about yourself too." I don't want too. I really don't. I just feel like I'm the only one out there like this. 😞