While pregnant I knew I wanted to EBF. But this shit is HARD and it just wasn’t in the cards for me. Baby was born very sick and had to be flown out while I had to stay behind due to having a c section. During our time apart I would pump but never get anything. I didn’t know it took days for your milk to come in. I was able to fly to him a couple days later and met with an LC in the hospital where baby was in NICU. I was never a great producer (it was nearly impossible with the stress and heartache of having a NICU baby) and I eventually started taking domperidome to help with supply. Fast forward baby is home but I have to fortify every feed with formula. I used to put him on the boob from time to time but not consistently because we had to monitor his intake closely. He used to latch great but the last couple of times he would cry whenever I tried to put him on so I stopped. I EP and it’s just not the BF journey I was looking forward to. On top of that I’m gaining weight like crazy. And the pumping just takes me away from baby. I’m having such a mental struggle because I really want to quit but then I feel guilty because I also want to keep giving him BM. But at this point I have a huge freezer stash and quickly running out of room. I have to convince myself that it will not make me a bad mom and baby will still be fed. To all the moms that EBF u guys rock. Good luck to the new moms that are trying.