I have a very sweet and sensitive 16.5 month old daughter. We live in a small village.

In the village there’s another girl who three years three months old and she’s *violent*. She was going to an at-home daycare place but the woman who runs it refuses to care for her anymore. The mother is having a hard time finding anyone else who will take her, so right now she’s a sahm.

I’m also a sahm. This other mum is quite desperate to make connections with me. She comes to my house and asks for play dates, is always offering me tea, and gets upset if I take my daughter to the playground if I don’t invite her and her daughter as well.

But her daughter is violent. She has shoved my little one to the ground, has head-butt her, deliberately strangled her, and smacked my daughter’s head on the hard road. That’s the worst, and it happened earlier today, and I’m still so shaken. I don’t think I can ever forget the look I saw on my daughters face. I tried so hard to protect her but she ran away from me and the violent girl got to her first. I’m feeling extreme guilt.

My husband and I are always extremely protective of our daughter when we’re around this girl but the only foolproof way to protect her is to carry her the whole time. I let my daughter down because we were saying goodbye and walking home, and in that short time this girl violently attacked.

The mother is always making excuses and telling lies. She is always saying how this is normal behaviour, but none of the other mums in the village think so. She lied and said she is keeping her daughter at home for her own reasons, but I know the daycarer who refuses to have her and she went out of her way to warn me about this girl. Because she knows we live in the same village.

My husband and I have started watching this family’s house for possible signs of abuse, because we can only assume that this girl has witnessed incredible levels of violence. The mother keeps flying home to her home country for a couple of months at a time, taking her daughter with her because no-one wants to be near her. I think this helps her to save face, and every time she comes back, I and the other mums are all thinking “has it stopped now?”

But I don’t know what to do. We live in the same small village and her house is right next to the playground. If they hear us in the playground they come out expecting us to play. The girl brings all her toys from her house but no-one else can touch them without some kind of *serious* attack. I literally watched her position herself as close as she could get to my daughter, and I naively thought she was going to kiss her (this was the first time anything happened), but then she headbutt my daughter with ALL her might. She didn’t care about any damage done to herself as long as she also inflicted maximum pain. She has serious “we need to talk about Kevin” vibes. There’s something really wrong. She’s verbal and my daughter is pre-verbal. She knows there’s a difference, knows she’s a baby, but it doesn’t stop her.

I obviously can’t keep my daughter 100% safe from this girl because I can’t control her every move. My daughter wants freedom to move around as much as anyone. So should I just tell the mother that I don’t want my daughter around hers? I don’t want to avoid the playground because I feel my daughter has just as much a right to be there.

I’m already resolved to bring social services into it if there’s one more violent attack. I know kids can be rough, but this is a whole other thing. She’s violent.

Any help would be deeply appreciated. This is the first time I’ve had to deal with anything like this in a child. I’m staying anonymous in case the other mother uses this app.

Edit- my husband and I do suspect abuse in the home. The mother never lets anyone inside, she’s never invited any of the other mums inside, but always wants to come to our houses. It really feels as though there’s something or someone she doesn’t want us to see. I wouldn’t be calling social services to benefit my child, but to benefit this girl. If there’s something undiagnosed, she needs help. If she’s witnessing extreme violence, she needs help. My child is not the first this girl has hurt. And, actually, this girl has even tried to hurt me too. Anyone who is not acting the way she wants, or giving her the attention she wants, she attacks. Even other mums.

Today I had to take my daughter to the paediatrician because she had a head wound and concussion. She was acting dizzy and now she’s on a night watch. This is not a joke. This girl put her in a chokehold (deliberately), pulled her down to the floor, and smacked her head on the hard street. That’s just not normal for a three year three month old.

This is the third time she has attacked our daughter. If there’s a fourth time then, yes, we think that family needs help. I’d have no qualms calling social services. They’ll either find something or they won’t, but the mother cannot keep covering up whatever is going on when other children are getting seriously injured. It’s not just me feeling this way, the other mums are quietly talking to one another.

I would never report the family “slyly” unless I felt strongly that it was the right thing to do. I am very close to feeling this way. In fact, I often wonder why I’m hesitating. I’m second guessing myself so much but I really feel this girl needs safeguarding. Something just feels so wrong.

No, I’m absolutely not going to “drive to another park” when we have one that serves our village. I’m not going to be run off my own village. My daughter has a right to be here.

Edit 2- we decided to leave a card and flower for the mother explaining that we had to take our own daughter to a paediatrician for a concussion, and that we want our daughter to have space from theirs until she is a bit older. I don’t want to lay blame at her feet. I feel this is potentially better than saying something face to face in front of her girl. I wouldn’t feel comfortable saying this in front of another child (“we don’t want our daughter playing with you”). We can just hope for the best. Meanwhile, yes, one more instance and we will report them.