What should I do? *long post*

For some backstory, I am 18 and 36 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I don’t live together currently, but we will be in mid August (about 4 weeks after my due date). We could have moved out months ago, but my family wanted me to stay in case I need them for support after birth. My parents are split up, and I live with my mum. My mum actually didn’t have an issue with me moving out, it was my dad, stepmum and my 2 sisters. I agreed to stay, but I really don’t want to. The problem is my mum.

I have struggled with depression in the past, and so I’m (and the rest of my family, all except my mum) are concerned that I could develop ppd. My boyfriend will be moving in with my mum and I when baby is born, because there is absolutely no way I’m doing this without him. He also doesn’t want to miss out on caring for his child.

The other day I mentioned to my mum that I’m glad the hospital I’m giving birth at has finally relaxed their visiting restrictions. Previously, he could only be there for up to 2 hours a day. They’ve now changed it so he can be there for an unlimited amount of time. She asked me why it mattered and I told her that it was for emotional reasons/support and she told me that that was stupid. She asked why did I even need support, and that right now I don’t see him every day so what’s the difference? The difference is that I will have literally just given birth and am most likely feeling overwhelmed. I also won’t be in my own home and I have a feeling that I will be uncomfortable staying for 3 days in the hospital, so having my boyfriend there will just help me feel better. She basically just told me that I don’t need support from him because I’ll be fine.

Also, according to her, I shouldn’t expect parenting to be a shared responsibility. She is also wanting us to sleep in separate rooms and doesn’t understand why I want my boyfriend to help with baby at night. Or why I might need him to just be there. If my boyfriend was able to share a room with me and baby, it would be quite helpful and I wouldn’t feel so alone. The thought of it just being my newborn and I at night seems so scary and isolating. I just want to feel supported. She also has told me that I can’t get an epidural during birth, must breastfeed or I’m an awful mother, I’ve gained too much weight and a whole bunch of other things that aren’t really her business.

I’m really struggling with how to deal with this, because she insists that I don’t need help/support from my boyfriend and that I shouldn’t expect it from him. My boyfriend is quite unhappy with this, because he wants to help. He wants to be an involved dad. He wants to take care of his child. He wants to support his girlfriend. I’ve been contemplating ringing my dad and explaining to him what’s going on, because he is concerned about my mental health after birth, and doesn’t want to make things harder on me. My mum literally only listens to my dad even though they’ve been separated for 17 years. But then I’m worried that she will just get really annoyed with me for talking to him about it.

Even if my dad talking to her doesn’t change anything, we are considering staying with my boyfriends family until August when we can move into own place. The only reason that isn’t the plan right now is because my family wants me to be nearby. But if they know what is actually going on they may accept that I dont want to stay with my mum and it won’t cause any tensions between us. But I’m still not sure if that’s the right thing to do