I can’t anymore

I forgave things I never should have. I didn’t want to lose what I thought I had. I wanted to believe it didn’t really happen. I ate everything you fed me. I didn’t want that pain. I begged for it to be the last time. I told you I was at my limit and couldn’t take anything more. You didn’t believe me or didn’t care. Now maybe you’re done!? Maybe now you see me!? I keep thinking maybe I’m just crazy. So, I’m hanging on to what I thought we had. Hoping I could move back to where we once were. Now even on the best days my mind tells me it’s all a lie. I ran out of excuses and saw it for what it actually was. The eyes that used to gaze adoringly at you are filled with sadness. The hands that used to melt me suddenly don’t feel special to be in. My heart literally hurts; wishing yours had loved me half as much. I can’t even hear your words anymore, the inconceivable thoughts are overwhelmingly loud. The voice I once loved that had me clinging to every word is now silenced. I could never and yet it’s just another day for you. I’m tired of paying the price of others mistakes. Or are these mine for staying? I’ve followed all the rules. I gave all of me and you were just playing another role. A movie star and his biggest fan. I’ve been your peace while you were busy creating my torture. We were so close to perfection but it wasn’t good enough for you! If only these thoughts didn’t consume me. I would have spent the last of my days loving you with all I had. I said forever but, here I am with my white flags. I don’t know if that means you’ve been victorious. I only know I’m lost and have nothing left to give.