**REPOST** Could you stay married to someone you didn't fully trust?

Question

i didn't get much feedback the first time so I'm hoping to get more advice this time around.
The reason for the trust issues is solely because of lies he told about his wear abouts ( he lied about where he was after work, he was with coworkers who are females) he had told me he was at work still, he claims he would never do it again. 
It's been a year since he lied, he swears he did not cheat, and promised not ever do it again, I decided to work through it because we had been married 13 years at that point and I love him so dearly, up until that lie thing our marriage has been great.
Its about 7 months of therapy and although it seems like it's been a little helpful at the moment, as soon as I go home, all my insecurities come back and I constantly find myself wondering if he is being honest and faithful to me (he works with very attractive women) I start to drive myself nuts thinking that maybe he is talking to one of them. 
I dont think I can live like this anymore, I love him with all my heart and soul, but the constant worry is causing such a depression and  in my health, I've lost weight because I find myself sick to my stomach when he leaves for work. I've tried to Express this to him and he reassures me hes not doing anything, I just dont know that I believe what he tells me, I dont know why I can't seem to let this go. It hurts me to my core. I dont want to divorce,  but I dont trust him. I dont know what else to do, I love this man with all my damn heart!!
What would you do if this was your marriage? 
We do not have any children, we both have never wanted them. I'm 34 and he's 35. I dont want to end my marriage over this, but I can't seem to move on from the lie he told. It hurts deep.
Also I dont really have any proof that he didn't cheat that day. I just have trust and take his word for it that he didn't.
** Yes I do couples and individuals therapy as well. also I dont believe this considered a white lie. He pretended to be at work doing OT while he was out 4-6 hours with females, not sure how anyone could  think thats a white lie
Damn I really hope some of y'all never have to go through something like this for real. yes Lizzo I decided to forgive him beacsue I've been married to the man 14 years, i love him to death, and I believe in fighting for your marriage. That doesn't mean that it it hasn't been tough one bit. that's why I went to therapy, to fight my insecurities. I surely hope you never have experience this type of betrayal.
Thank you everyone for your input, good or bad I appreciate it.
I'm not only focused on the attractive woman, I mentioned that one time in my post lady. It seem as if you're the one that's focused on that. I'm struggling because I'm at the point where I think I'm gonna file for divorce beacsue I cannot trust my husband who I'm so in love with. To you it may seem small, but to me its killing me and a constant struggle to believe him. The lie is why I'm struggling yes I doesn't help that he works with attractive girls but if he never lied that wouldn't be an issue at all.

Answer

Here's a question to ask yourself: if he no longer worked there or with the females you're concerned about, would that solve the problem for you? If it would, then that may be a serious discussion to have with your spouse. If him finding another job and/or putting up boundaries to ease your distrust would help and he's willing to do it, that might be worth trying. If that isn't an option or if you still would doubt, then intense counseling or divorce are the only other options i see.

Answer

You rightfully could take some alone time just to gather your mind and work on yourself.
This is why I tell people to leave if they can. Forgiveness seems like it can get better but the thing is it’s an up and down battle and that constant blow of insecurity and harping on the situation is enough to drive anyone crazy. I personally don’t have the mental capacity for it.
If you have some vacation time please take it go somewhere even if it’s just to a hotel on the nearest beach take time to recuperate

Answer

Maybe he lied because he knew you'd overreact, just as you are now. It was over a year ago, and you're still holding it over his head that he told a white lie. Have you tried individual therapy to work through your trust issues? This isn't a couples therapy issue IMO.

Answer

He told a lie. I can understand how that could affect your trust for sure, but if they were “unattractive” would you be dwelling on it? Probably not. You were quick to tell us they’re attractive. 
You accepted his apology for the lie and you chose to believe him, but now you’re not sure if you do. So now you choose to move on for real, or make a change. This is a you issue, and an overthinking and blowing it out of proportion issue. 
Continue with therapy no matter what you decide. Only you know what’s right for you.

Answer

Regarding your edit, why assume I haven’t been lied to or betrayed? I just chose to not be the victim and move on. You chose differently, however, and that’s ok. Google sunken cost fallacy. Invested time doesn’t make it worth the investment. Invested time doesn’t mean you should suffer. Invested time doesn’t mean you have an obligation to stay. Your happiness and menta health is more important. 
So I’ll ask again, what if the women weren’t attractive, in your opinion? What if it was men? You’re so hyper focused on these attractive women that you have snowballed into a paranoid mess.

Answer

I couldn't be with someone I don't fully trust. Hanging out with someone of the opposite gender is totally fine but lieing about it is crossing so many boundaries.  I have two male best friends who I enjoy getting together with, I would never hide going to hang out with them though. My husband is secure enough to not mind this at all because of our trust and he knows I will never let anyone cross the boundaries of our relationship.  I'm totally fine with him hanging out with his female friends too but if he lied I wouldn't be

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Trust is part of the foundation of a relationship. Lose that and everything else becomes unstable. It's best to just move on.

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If I were feeling how you do, I would file for divorce and focus on individual therapy.

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I’m not trying to be mean here or come off as insensitive, but I think you need to get over it. That’s the only way to give your marriage a true shot. Let it go and trust him. You shouldn’t end your marriage over something you don’t even know happened, in my opinion. Blind trust is honestly just apart of marriage. My husband works with lots of women who are gorgeous and sweet and total catches but if you don’t trust your husband there’s no point in marriage.

Answer

What he did was wrong.. but it's crunch time.. u either let it go or leave him.

REPOST Could you stay married to someone you didn't fully trust?

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