I literally have so many moods and most of the time I just want to die. I do not want to live anymore. What do I need to do

I should add I’m trying to wean. My baby is 17 months going in 18 mo and I’m effing done but it’s so hard to stop he only wants to nurse at night but will nurse more if I let him. I do not let him other than at night . He does not calm down until he has his boobs for bed. If you have any tips on how to stop I am all ears.

I’m seriously depressed and literally want to die every single day. I do not enjoy life anymore can ppd happy this far out?