This pregnancy has been nothing but traumatic

Plz don't think I don't love my baby... I really do... But this pregnancy was traumatizing. I'm a trans male. I have a husband... He left me though... I was 15 and he was 23 when we met. I was going through my transition. It took such a long time to get the body I wanted and when I was finally a passing male I couldn't be happier. My husband wanted kids. I wanted to adopt or get a surrogate. I never wanted to be pregnant. I wanted to get all these useless tubes removed but he said if I wouldn't carry his baby that me and I don't love him... I agreed. I don't like vaginal sex. I don't like things going in my vagina. Me and my husband always did anal but we had to have vaginal sex to get me pregnant and I was traumatized. This whole pregnancy traumatized me... I have no issue with trans men who want to get pregnant but for me I felt less masculine. Watching my body change killed me. It completely killed me. I was so depressed and my husband was mad at me for being depressed. He was mad that I wasn't always up to sex. He called me names and started saying I'm no longer a man I'm a bitch. I've been falling apart this pregnancy. I will NEVER get pregnant again after this because it's not the way I wanted to have a baby. Found out my hubby has been cheating and he gave me herpes... Then he left me... I have no job because he made me quit my job. I think I'm going through body dismorphia. I gave up everything for my husband to give him what he wanted and he left me with nothing but a baby to care for on my own and herpes... I'm grateful for this baby I really am... And I feel guilty I'm not looking at my time carrying my precious baby fondly....