Brought my boyfriend lunch to his work today, he says, “ugh i wish i could be home with you..” and i say “me too!” real fast and he continued on saying “so i can have sex with you.” There were people in the building so i mouth “shhhhh!!!” And he gets upset then apologizes when she i explain why. Then he goes to say, “who are you worried about hearing me say that, huh?” And im just thinking that has to be the dumbest fucking question because its been a countless number of times ive had to ask him to not talk like that in public where other people can hear. Then i recognize he’s asking out of a place of jealously because i start walking down the stairs, opened a message from my ma and he’s watching me from above on the catwalk asking me what I’m doing. I told him, and he tells me to come back up. Im pissed at this point because consistently he treats me and makes me feel like all i am is a body with holes he can stick his dick inside of, he had also suggested last nite that we “fast” from sex because last night when i was praying i cried and he said that (i thought) genuinely to help me out, turns out doesnt mean shit to him like i expected. But not im seeing red because i show him that i just opened my ma’s text and he takes a second and i cam see him from below checking my other messages. It pissed me off so much i just grabbed my phone back when he handed it to me and walked out of there, i didnt say anything as he was calling out to me. Its just, ive been nothing but faithful, and yet though he’s cheated on me he thinks im going to be a dick and do the same back to him?? I dont blame him for thinking he deserves it but fuck im trying so hard to forgive him and all he wants to do is control me and be jealous at me!! Wtf