Guilt due to age?

Question

So I’m 44. Turn 45 in August. We have a 5 and 2.5 yr old. I really want a third. I don’t know why. My family has 3 kids and it seems like the *right* number to me. Not for me, but for my kids. They’ll have each other as adults when I’m gone. 
But if I have another I’ll be 60 when he or she is 15. Etc. 
I feel like it’s too old. It might be a burden on my kids. What if I have health issues as I age. 
Anyone else struggle with this?! 🥺🥺🥺

Answer

I have guilt because I only have 1 child. I am 45. I would love a sibling for them.

Answer

Yup. I’m 42, 43 soon, and still ttc #3, have been since 2014 with 3 losses between then and now. My kids are currently 15 & 11 and all I think is they will be so far apart and I’ll look like the youngests grandmother at their high school graduation! If it happens at all… but then I also think how much we want another baby and have for so long that it will make up for the rest of it.

Answer

I know how you feel. I’m an only child and so is my husband. We have male factor infertility. Had to do IVF IMSI to conceive my first baby. I just turned 40 this year and I’m gearing myself up for IVF again for my second as I don’t want my son to be an only child. I wish I had more time.

Answer

I can relate to this so so much, and I'm glad you posted this question. I'm struggling alot right now, asking myself what am I doing? Is this selfish? I have 1 healthy,  happy child,  that excels in every way. And although I always wanted to give him a sibling, he's 16 now - so it would be like raising another only child at this point.
I don't have any easy answers,  I met my husband later in life and he's younger by 8 years,  with no children. So I feel guilt there also... its so incredibly hard. At the same time, he's adamant that he doesn't want to bring a child into this world with any issues (downs or other chromosome issues) and there's a much greater risk for that at our age (not impossible, but greater risk).
I do want another child... and don't question that. I just worry about about my health, the risks I am putting myself into,  my child that would suffer if anything happened to me. It's alot to process and I've not find an easy answer. And the doctors are more "doom and gloom" at this age also,  which doesn't help in the least. 
You do have the added benefit that your previous kids are still young,  that part is different for me. My one and only pregnancy I was 29 years old for. And its wayyy different at 45 (at least for me).
This may not be the answer your looking for and I'm not trying to talk you into or out of anything. Just sharing that you're not alone and definitely not crazy... I'm right there with you in these troubled thoughts. And its hard. Prayers for you. Feel free to message if you'd like to chat, I'm looking for someone in the same realm of thought as myself to talk to. I'm 45 currently and will be 46 in November. 😕

Answer

This is very Common in women @ our age Im 45 @ 41-43 I couldn’t imagine having another because of my age but now I’m having remorse & have lost 2 so far & my numbers are horrible so I would have to get donated eggs, I feel terrible I waited so late to give my child any siblings.... God bless all of y’all

Answer

I hear you! Im 47 and going for it. I have multuple sclerosis and was diagnosed with infertility. I married in 2019 and decided i wanted to build a.family. we initially looked into adoption and hired an attorney-the sad truth about adoption is that its 2x as expensive (@$50,000) than working with a fertility clinic. So we 'adopted' an egg lot from a sweet 25 yr old donor. After a year (thanks pandemic) we had two fertilized, healthy, genetically tested eggs which we froze. On my birthday we transferred egg and two weeks ago I got a positive pregnancy test. We're hopeful and 🙏 grateful. Do not let others influence your family building or ever make you feel badly about your age. There is no wrong way to make a family. Also, i feel the worry that you will be older and also feel thst can be alleviated a bit with lots of younger friends and family getting involved- i have very good friends in their late 20's & early 30's that are now pregnant and/or recent new parents and spend time with them. Good luck to everyone and go for it!

Answer

I feel guilty that i can't/wont guve my girl a sibling. I had her at 40 after many years of trying and losses. Im now 42 and I know I cant do it to my self again I I couldn't cope with it. Yet i worry so much about her being an only child. If only I was a few years younger.

Answer

Plus my son is 7 months old so I only gave birth last December and I’m already trying to prepare for IVF again. I’m putting a lot of stress on myself as my mum and dad are not in good health and are family are so small. We’re also going to be travelling to London which takes 4 hours to get there and 4 hours back.

Answer

So glad you posted this.  I'm 44 (45 in Nov) already have kids, and am constantly asking myself if this is the right decision.  We really want to try for one last baby, and hoping it works but trying to keep in mind that it very well may not.  Its so hard!  Plus all the things everyone else has mentioned...  just praying for peace and joy in the process.

Answer

Hey I hear you been feeling the same 
I am 44 in August my husband 51in November we had one 3 1/2 year old 
Have actually been trying for a second baby from the day I got out of hospital 
We have been having tests done recently and found out I have a block Fallopian tube 
They are starting us on Clomid next cycle 
Fingers crossed. 
You shouldn’t feel guilty at all !!!

Guilt due to age?

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