My son is 4 weeks but I think I want 1 more

This is suppose to be my last baby, my choice since I was young I would say I would have all my kids before 30, being that my mom had me after 30 and she had alot of health problems yes I know it didnt come from having me but in my head I do blame me.

June 15th I turned 30 and had my son at 8:35am that same day all to get a phone call my mom had a stroke and became brain dead. And cord was pulled on the 16th.

It was a sweet but sad day for me my son is the one keeping me calm and happy I've focused on milk supply and sleep but I do find my self crying for my mom not being able to update her on my children's life .

I look ar my son and think every second that passes is one last second I have of him all his first is my last, and it will go by so fast. Yes I can prolly have another but all my kids were cesareans and honestly the recovery right now is annoying and painful, if I stand to long my abdomen hurts or if I walk to much or take off my belly binder I feel like my body is about to fall apart.

Sorry for it being long

Update : worse I'm a only child