In my feelings

A friend of mine told me she's pregnant today. I'm super happy for her, but now I feel the need to cancel our ivf transfer cycle.

We have had 2 early miscarriages, 2 failed transfer cycles, and 2 canceled transfers in the last year. For every single one of those cycles I have a friend due with a baby the month we would have been due. Every. Single. One. It feels like God is giving my babies away to everyone else and it hurts.

So, our transfer is supposed to be the end of this month and now my friend (who miscarried last month) is pregnant again and would be due around the same time we would be due. I can't help but feel like this is my child given away again and an omen of a poor outcome.

But...if we cancel the cycle, that's money lost, meds lost, time lost when we've already been waiting so long.

How do you get past your superstitions?