First off, next month will be a year since I miscarried, and it is hitting me very hard.

My love and I just got married, last week. I've been so happy! And we did have a talk about ttc. They said maybe, if we move out of this rental and head back to where we came from (cheaper rent), and I get on disability (I have non epileptic seizures), then we can try. They wanna be in a stable spot, and I totally agree. We hope to start trying in February. It's worth mentioning that I'm also autistic, for context about what my sister said (imma type that in a sec.)

So my twin sister and I were talking about mine and my love's roommate. I was complaining, because they aren't aren't best roommate (but a good person, who needed help) and I told my sister what I was worried about.

If they (the roomie) can't handle us being married (they were having trouble with that), then how would they handle us preparing for a baby?

My sister is incredibly aggressive anti-baby. I briefly mentioned it, but I was talking about our roomate. She then BLEW TF UP saying I wasn't mentally capable of raising a baby, they're worthless, etc. So much. Here's some screenshots (edited for privacy)

Tw: argument, curse words, miscarriage, my sister being a c*nt. I have a foul mouth, I say words every sentence. Beware if you don't like it.

What do I do? Now I'm just wondering if I should even bother? I asked my spouse if I was baby crazy, and they said only when I get depressed about the miscarriages I've had. With the date coming up, i.. I don't know. I don't know. I just know I'm sad, hurt, lonely, and I just want my baby.