Should I allow others in the delivery room?

Question

I’m from Vermont and they had really strict regulations about visitors for my first doctors appointments. My significant other wasn’t allowed to come to my appointments except for the 20 week ultrasound. But now the regulations have been lifted. My sister asked me recently if I would consider letting her be in the delivery room, I was in the delivery room for her first born so it’d be special to me to have her there for my first. I mentioned how I feel to my significant other and he isn’t happy about it. He has told me he rather not be in the room if I have other people, and he feels I’m being selfish for stealing a special moment from him. Am I in the wrong?

Answer

I don’t allow anyone but my husband in the delivery room or even visiting at the hospital. My MIL keeps asking my husband if she will be allowed in the room. Nope, sorry not happening. We use that time to enjoy our baby and recover before having people visit

Answer

How is it stealing a moment from him? He will still be there, right? Or would he not be allowed in the room if she was there? If he can't be there because she is, I see his point. If he's also allowed in the room in addition to her, I don't see what she's stealing. She would probably only benefit the situation.

Answer

I want my mom in the room with me and my husband is aware that she will be in there and supportive of it. I want this for a few reasons- 1.) if my husband has to leave at any time for any reasons (food, etc), I want someone to still be there with me 2.) if there are complications and they need to separate the baby from me after birth, I want my husband to be able to stay with the baby without me being left alone 3.) my husband has never been in labor before, he may have great intentions but I trust my mom to be able to advocate for me better. 
You’re welcoming BOTH of your child into the world, and honestly I don’t think that there should be anything that would keep the husband out of the room. If he refuses to be in the room because you want extra support, then he is putting his pettiness over your child and that’s no way to start parenthood. 
It is his child just as much as yours but you are the person going through the labor and any potential complications that come with it. Your husband can say anything he wants, but at the end of the day the chances of him ending up split open on the operating table or intubated because of complications are a lot less than yours. No one would be okay with your husband denying you extra support throughout any other major medical event and I, personally, feel this is the same

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This is a tough one. I'm always an advocate for mom because you deserve whatever environment you want to bring life into the world. Im the opposite. I just want me and him in the room and nobody else is coming to hospital. We were lucky enough to be on the same page. I do feel like dads are made to feel less significant in the birthing process and I feel bad about that sometimes. It is his baby and experience too. I hope you guys come to an agreement that works for you both.

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Sometimes it’s hard for our men to understand certain things us pregnant ladies ask for. It’s because they don’t know what’s it’s like to carry, labor and deliver a baby. All the emotional highs, hormones, aches, pains, nausea, indigestion, congested nose, temperature fluctuations and so much more! They will only know and (kind of) understand if we explain it to them the best way we can. This includes letting him know what will make you feel the most at ease and comfortable throughout your labor and delivery experience. He may not understand completely but if he loves you than he will go along with your wishes, especially since you’re the one going through a life-threatening experience. 
You’re the one going through the trauma of labor and delivery and you should be able to choose your support staff. If you really would like your sister there than I would suggest having a real heart to heart with your husband about your sister being present. I think he will understand if you guys just sit down in a non aggressive way and have a chat about what you’re feeling.
Now I will say this, you and he will not be the only one in the room while you labor. Besides the birthing staff (ie doctor, nurse, midwife etc) there’s usually another nurse there as well to help coach and hold your knees etc. so it will either be you, him and a nurse neither of you know or it will be you, him and your sister going through this experience together. Either way there will more than likely be someone else on the opposite side of you from your husband🤷🏻‍♀️ helping you through labor.

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I would say this needs a second conversation. You can express your understanding in his wishes, in wanting there to be a special time for you guys as a family. Then you can also elaborate into the reasoning of why you considered having your sister on the room as well. #1 he is a guy so cannot automatically get the significance of having a female close family member mom/sister/gma/aunt. Like a dad is never like oh I’d love the support of my dad/brother etc here for the birth of my child for example. 
#2 you could explain in the event of him needing to be with your child , you would be terrified/lonely/need an advocate being left alone. 
You might could gain a little more knowledge of his abrupt reaction, and offer a compromise for her to be there until the point birth has happened and everyone knows there will be no need for separation. Then she could quickly and quietly make her exit for you guys to have that family bonding moment. You get the support thru labor and delivery and he gets the family time. Just my suggestion, have another conversation. Brought up gently, with the purpose of gaining clarity of his reaction of him or her, with no option for middle ground where everyone gets what they need. It sounds like this is more about you than your sister. She’s not pushing in. So that’s good. Good luck strengthen that communication 👍🏼👍🏼

Answer

I see where he is coming from. I believe having a  child is a very intimate moment, and for him not to want to share that makes since. It’s both your child after all. 
While he needs to have a grown up conversation about it, instead of saying he won’t be there, at the end of the day it’s up to you. The nurses and doctors will allow for your wishes. Not his.

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For me I only want my husband. I don’t have a close relationship with my sisters, but they are close to each other and have been in the delivery room with each other. Yes it’s his child but you are the one that is going through labor and some people need more than one person for support. This is a hard one, I don’t like ultimatums and I feel like he is taking away from your happy moment as well. You shouldn’t have that kind of stress. I know if I was causing this between my sister me her husband I would take myself out, maybe talk to your sister and let her know it is causing tension or stress, maybe she would understand.

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I’m from Vermont too! 👋🏼 👋🏼 My fiancé so far has only been allowed to the 20 week ultrasound, which I’m having Aug 6th and absolutely cannot wait for. For my other 2 children it was only him in the delivery room, and will be the same for this one as well. It’s just something special for him and I to experience is our feelings about it but everyone is different

Answer

I would honor my husband’s wishes before my sister’s, sorry. The child is half his anyway. I don’t know what the circumstances were when your sister had her child, but y’all may just have different dynamics. Did she have a husband or significant other at the time? Maybe you were the only one she had at the time. Maybe you could explain it to her that way. Just my opinion though!

Should I allow others in the delivery room?

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