For those who have gone through a second trimester termination does it get easier getting through milestones and not feeling guilty with your rainbow baby? We terminated our pregnancy back in November 2020 after getting a Spina bifida and hydrocephalus diagnosis at our 20 week anatomy scan. It was the hardest decision we have ever had to make and obviously it’s going to take us a long time to work through and heal from. I’m currently pregnant with another baby boy due November 10th, only 5 days after the year marker of losing our baby Bentley.

Ever since week 20 of my current pregnancy I’ve been feeling the sadness and guilt build up again. I hit the milestone of when we got our diagnosis, the day we lost him, and now I’m to the point in this pregnancy that I was never able to reach with my last pregnancy. I’m terrified of how I’ll feel if I end up delivering on the anniversary of losing Bentley. I don’t want that day overshadowed, I want him to be able to have his own day of memorial and celebration, but I know that whatever happens, happens.

I’m just concerned that I’ll feel these waves of guilt and sadness more and more often leading up to the arrival of my baby boy. I want to be able to embrace and work through my emotions but I don’t want them to cloud over me once my new baby is here. I know I have little control over how I feel but I was just curious if anyone else has gone through anything similar and what your experience throughout your next pregnancy was? What should I expect?