i (21f) tend to push people away when they get too close

or when they know too much about me already. i did something that annoyed this guy i’m talking to and i literally am so aware that i do things to push him away because he’s getting real close to me. he knows so much about me now, i feel weird. this isn’t the first time i’ve done this. i try to sabotage anything because i don’t think i deserve anything. i thought he’d stop talking to me after what i did but he wanted to talk it out, now im in a constant loop in my head of why he’d do that? why wouldn’t he just leave me alone, why wouldn’t he just ghost me like these other dudes before?