I'm so sorry my dear sweet baby. You would be 15 years old now. I still dream of your face. I still think about your name and were you little boy or a little girl. I still grieve for you. I grieve for you more.

15 years old you'd be wild I am sure. You'd be begging to practice driving and I would be telling you that it's your dad's job to teach you. You'd be beautiful. You would have your mom's American accent and your dad's temper. We loved you always. You were are first. You would be smart like your dad. You would be funny like me. We would have dance parties in the kitchen and tease you about small stuff. We would always give you hugs even when you thought you were too old for them.

I'm so sorry my dear child. I am so sorry. Your daddy asked me to marry him. He wanted you so badly. I'm so so sorry. The day I lost you was July 5th. I'm so so sorry. I was in the hospital taking care of you grandma. She had to be revived after surgery. I was there alone. It was hours and hours of stress. I called your uncle to be with me. He was strung out on drugs. I was so stressed. I called your daddy. He told me to go to the emergency room that I was too upset and he was worried about you in my body. I didn't listen. I drove home that night. I got into an accident it was small. I was shaking for hours. Then it happened. I started bleeding. I lost you. I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry I took care of everyone and not you. I'm sorry I didn't get my blood pressure checked. I'm so sorry.

Your daddy and me tried to stay together we did we loved you so much. He just couldn't forgive me. I moved out of state and found myself again.

Fate is weird and your daddy and me ended up in the same field of work. I transferred back to my hometown and he was going to be my boss. We talked about you sweet baby. We talked so much of our love for you. Your daddy made you a brother. He is beautiful.

I got married to your step dad and he knows all about you. I still talk about you. We gave you two more brothers one is two and one is 3 months old. Doctors made sure my sweet baby that what happened to you wouldn't happen to more of my babies and I am so sorry I couldn't save you. I love you all the same and my arms still grieve to have held you.

Love you always,

Mama