Am I asexual?

Hi, this is pretty personal and I hope my explanation makes sense.

In my childhood I had some sexual trauma. I don’t think I properly understood it until recently and always thought it was my fault. I am now almost 20.

In my first relationship I tried to have sex but just never could go through with it fully or wrap my head around it because I felt very anxious around the whole experience. Even though I was comfortable with some parts of intimacy, the actual act scared me.

I definitely want to have sex eventually, but I have no idea how to overcome the anxious feeling. I worry that it will never go away.

This has kinda led me to stay away from making deep romantic connections because I just close down after awhile.

Has anyone else experienced this? I would love any advice. I am too scared to talk to anyone irl about it.