I've been with my SO for 7 years.

I always heard about the "7 year hump", but now I'm truly experiencing it.

I've thought about divorce a lot in the past, but something would always happen( an unplanned pregnancy, empty promises from SO) and then I'd push the thought away.

Currently, I'm not at all prepared financially for a divorce. I'm a SAHM with a 5mo, a toddler, and two kids preparing to go to school this year.

My SO is a wonderful Dad, as they come.

I would never dream of separating him from our kids. The thought of even living separately and the kids knowing he won't be around every moment( he works from home) hurts a little.

But he's a shit husband.

He doesn't help around the house, even when he's asked.

He doesn't listen to any input I have over my own life, and certainly not ours together.

He leaves as much work to me as he can, at any opportunity.

He says that if I want to go to school or get a job that I just have to figure it out while still managing quite literally everything at home, because he doesn't have time to do chores, needs too much sleep to put kids to bed, and can't risk his job taking off for doctors appointments.

I used to work nights, but he made me feel so guilty, accused me of cheating, and bullied me into quitting and staying home to work on our family and relationship.

I was afraid to be homeless with little kids, so I stayed.

And every time I've been pregnant, he's been self-centered, unsupportive, and distant.

To the point that one of our babies( my most recent were twins) died while I was pregnant because he wouldn't take me seriously when I told him I was in pain and needed help.

He didn't even look up from his phone while I curled up on the floor crying, "What? Do you wanna go to the hospital or something? You know I'm going to miss work..."

My baby died of treatable causes a few hours later.

I kept telling myself, "He's such a great Dad once they're born. This is painful, but you can do it. This will work out."

Until my baby was stillborn...

I want one more baby, and obviously will never have that with him again.

I can't trust him.

I can't sleep with him( although he makes a lot of advances).

And when I talk about having a life separate from motherhood or wife, he is adamantly against it.

Meanwhile, he just got a promotion and is being prided on his ability to juggle kids and work...

I'm jealous.

I'm resentful.

And I know he wants me to work on loving him more, but I have no feelings for him any longer.

I'm going to catch so much crap from all of mine and his family, "Oh, but he's such a great Dad!"

Yeah, well, he treats me like shit when I'm pregnant. So it must be me he doesn't care for, or he doesn't understand the correlation.

But I feel like I've been trapped in four walls, albeit with the beauty of our children, still filled with jealously, controlling behavior, financial abuse, unpredictable anger, and the walls keep getting tighter.

I want to find the exit.

I'm also coming to grips with the fact that the person I thought I married most certainly does not exist.

Can someone just please tell me that it's okay to not go to couple's therapy?

That it's okay to Not want to work things out?

That, while we don't argue daily, there's no immediate need for me to leave, and that I know a divorce would Negatively affect our children that it's Okay for me to leave a loveless marriage?