Am I overreacting to lap dance?

Question

Thanks in advance for your input. We have a 4 year old and a 3 month old, and we've been married 10 years. This has been a happy time for me, raising our new son together and bonding as a family. I am very grateful for what we have. 
Husband goes out a couple nights ago with buddies, they end up at a sleazy strip club and he buys himself a lap dance. He explained that he got caught up in the moment and seemed to justify it because we haven't been intimate lately and raising kids is hard work. I'm not sure, but bet it was even his idea to go there. 
I feel really disappointed, disrespected, alone and am now questioning our marriage and who he is as a partner. If/when we face even harder times, is he going to crumble? We've worked so hard to get where we are in life, and he just shits on it. We are talking about starting couples therapy, or else I am going to keep resenting him. Am I overreacting? Are my expectations/standards too high?

Accepted Answer

No you’re not overreacting. how would he feel if you did what he did? Super inconsiderate of your marriage.

Answer

Nope you’re not overreacting or stretching it at all. If you guys didn’t have a mutual agreement that things/places like that were okay then he shouldn’t have risked it. On top of that couples go through shit ALL THE TIME, it’s never a reason to just act single, like no.

Answer

How would he feel if you gave another man a lap dance? Or flipped the script exactly and got a lap dance from a male stripper? That would be my baseline for how mad I'd be, personally. 
My husband would be livid if I got a lap dance from a male stripper. He'll, he'd be livid if I WENT to a male strip club. I feel the same way. So if he got a lap dance from a stripper, it would literally be the end of our marriage for me. 
It actually almost ended our marriage when I found out he'd gone to a top-less bar while out of town 7 years prior. And the main reason being that I knew he would absolutely lose his mind if the roles had been reversed. Hell, it is 3 years later and on the random occasion I think of it, I get mad all over again! And that is just going to a top-less bar that doesn't offer lap dances. 
However, if my husband wouldn't be mad if the situation were reversed, it wouldn't be marriage ending, but I'd still probably be pissed.

Answer

Thats my boundary.. I view it as cheating.

Answer

No not overreacting. Sure some women may not care but your feeling are valid. I would be livid as well, but my partner would be breaking a major boundary by even going into a place like that.

Answer

Minus the excuse of lack of intimacy etc you can be pissed.
I’d it were my husband I would have honestly cashapped him money for a dance on me. My husband is awesome and him even going to a strip club is damn near like dragging him in there kicking and screaming. So for me I wouldn’t have a problem at all.
But you all need to find a balance and set boundaries because if he can get a lap dance you should be able to do the same. (Not saying you want to) but he needs to know once he opens that door it’s gonna swing both ways so if he has a problem with you doing it then he needs to get his shit together no excuses

Answer

You are not overreacting. If he was/is unhappy with how things are in the sexual department in your marriage, then he needs to talk to you about it instead of going out and paying for a stripper to wiggle on his lap. Communication is key and he is clearly not doing that particularly well.

Answer

Isn’t a lap dance like humping…. That is totally crossing the line would get want you rubbing your butt on someone?

Answer

If he knows that you would not like or approve of that, then he at the very least crossed a boundary. Personally for me, I would consider that cheating since my husband knows that i would be extremely uncomfortable with that. I don’t think you are over reacting at all, i would leave my husband for that.

Answer

No one can tell you your overreacting on how you feel, but I think couples therapy is a great idea maybe you guys lost your spark but I’m sure you guys will find it again

Am I overreacting to lap dance?

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