I am currently 7 weeks postpartum and struggling with pretty bad PPA. I had a pretty traumatic birth that resulted in a few weeks in the NICU, and now can’t shake the feeling that I have to be perfect for my baby to “make up for” his first few weeks. Between him being a preemie, a brain injury sustained during birth, and our inability to make breastfeeding work, I just feel like my body has failed him on so many levels, even though he’s a pretty happy healthy guy now. But I still can’t shake the anxiety and literally can’t sleep over it.

Trying to be proactive, I asked my OB for therapist recommendations at my 6 week appointment. She applauded me for getting help and gave me a list. On that list only ONE was in network for insurance and she’s not accepting new clients right now.

So I kept searching. I had to contact eleven different therapists before I could find someone accepting new clients, and even so, it’s another 4 weeks before I can even get in.

I messaged my OB and asked if there was anything she’d recommend I do in the meantime so things don’t continue to get worse. She said she’d have their postpartum depression specialist reach out to me. That was a week ago and I’ve heard nothing.

I’m so exhausted and it’s exasperated by how hard I’m having to work to even get help. I just want to be able to enjoy the newborn stage with my son and instead I’m struggling constantly.

I just hate how much we tell postpartum mamas to get help if they need it. And then make it almost impossible to actually access any care.