When will it come

Where is my vvvfl lol? Only 7dpi but so so so impatient. I have 2 kids so I shouldn't be so selfish. But, ill be 38 soon is and menopause soon do to my health. So, sort of a last chance here. I am a dumbest and started testing at 6dpo just bc I wanted to see if when dry. Would it jave an evap. It didn't, so I'm good there. But, I took one today to see. Why? Dont ask me. Neither of my kids did i get a positive with fmu. It was after a controlled 4.hour plus hold. I will try to not test til Monday now. But, many cramps this tww and I dont get ctamps EVER unt period has already started. So, it makes.ones mind wonder