To the parents that didn’t sleep train, when did your baby eventually learn to fall asleep on its own?

I feel like my 12 month old is untrainable 😢 tried Ferber and extinction epic fail. My husband can’t take the loud screaming cries. Sometimes it’s faster to get her to fall asleep by just picking her up and rocking her. she cries so long, she doesn’t want to be in her crib just in our bed, even with the crib literally touching our bed. Every night she wakes up multiple times, only way she will go back to sleep is if you pick her up and rock and walk with her. I spent 2+ hours trying to get her back to sleep in the middle of the night. If she falls asleep in our bed we try to transfer her to the crib and she instantly wakes up. Why?! I don’t get it. Is our bed softer?? Her crib is right next to ours so Idk what to do anymore. I’m thinking of hiring a sleep consultant. Did one day your baby just learn to sleep through the night? What about putting themselves to sleep? Does it just click or will I be walking and rocking her until she’s 5?!?! 😩😢