Was this rape?

A few years ago, I was supposed to meet an old ex from hs for lunch. (We dated for like 3 weeks it was the worst, he was the worst) He had moved years ago, and was visiting. Told me he had a failed suicide attempt and wanted to see some ppl he missed and that it may help him.

So we were going to meet for lunch and just catch up.

The next day it was raining and he had traveled on motorcycle. So he asked if I could pick him up at his hotel.. I said yes but I 100% felt weird doing this. Just an off gut feeling.

So I got thee and texted that he could come out, and he said he just got out of the shower and was still getting ready and I could come in and wait.

Again. I felt super uneasy. But he knew I was in a relationship and so I figured he wasn’t going to do anything like that.

So I went in and sat down and just was waiting for a bit then he sat down as well and randomly went in for a kiss. I backed up and then he came again and I didn’t know what to do I was pretty shocked. So I did kiss back at first .

And then it all just kind of happened.. I was literally on day one of a period.. and I said that to try to deter him? And he just said “I dont care” and continued.

I was not enjoying this. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to have sex. I never said yes. But I didn’t say no? I literally couldn’t . It felt like an out of body experience or a dream where you are watching it happen but can’t stop it ?

I never viewed this as rape or some form of it. But after talking to a friend who has been, she bluntly said “yea this sounds like rape and very planned “ .

Not that I want to do anything about it.. it was 8 years ago. But it still weighs on me to this day.

I’ve never had a reason why I did it. Or let it happen because I didn’t want it to. And I’ve just always had trouble with it as soon as august hits.. cuz that’s when it happened was in august. And I just.. Idk what to think. I know it’s been years. But I guess I’m just looking for others opinions.

Thanks.