How do I become Confident in myself & my body?

Question

I’ve struggled with body confidence pretty much my whole life and just confidence in general. But I just want to be happy with myself and in my body. But how? 
What advice would you give to an 18 year old plus sized girl who is struggling with loving her body & herself for who she is? 
I want to be able to live my life freely and not always constantly think about how I look to other people or even my boyfriend in some cases. 
My boyfriend has always loved me for me and I’ve always asked him, how? How do I love my body the way you love it? 
Then I let my insecurities/ my head get to me and I overthink about what if my boyfriend is lying to me or what if he thinks other girls are way beautiful then me or have bigger breasts or a bigger butt. 
How do I not let these insecurities get to me and ruin me and also my self esteem in my relationship? 
I just have so much to ask every women whose  been in my shoes, how did you overcome all of this?

Answer

I fell in love with my body when I was 350 pounds, my body has been through hell and back, from sexual abuse as a child, rape, two miscarriages, abuse from every man I’ve ever had contact with whether it was physical mental emotional etc. I carried my stories on my body. Food was my best friend, every eating disorder, self harm, I numbed myself with food or  alcohol or anything else, because I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling. I was an alcoholic by the age of 12. I could drinking entire bottle of vodka and go to school and no one even knew. I learn to love myself because I was all I have ever had, my mother was a narcissist who treated me like shit all of my life, I can count on my hand the number of times she’s giving me a compliment I didn’t have a backhanded comment to it. My mother was the reason I went to the fridge, she would make me feel like shit and I would run to the fridge for comfort, for love, for support, etc. In 2018, after two miscarriages with my piece of shit Ex. Who used me for everything under the sun, he wasn’t in love with me was in love with my bank account and whatever I can provide for him. 350 was my heaviest, after him, I need to do something for me for once in my life because I always gave and gave to everyone, I was empty, I had to fill myself with love, I had to learn to love myself, date myself, pamper myself, because a man does not complete you, you complete yourself, I had to learn to let all my baggage go, let all my trauma and bullshit from childhood go, I had to learn not to care what anyone thought of me, everyone has an opinion, however opinions are dust in the wind and don’t matter, the only opinion that matters is your opinion. Everyone else can kiss your ass. And that’s the attitude you have to have in life for every little thing that people say to you will bring you down. I had to learn to set boundaries, I had to learn not to tolerate bullshit, I had to learn that it’s OK to be alone, you are better off alone than in bad company that treats you like shit, uses you, takes advantage of you, I settle for so much bullshit because I didn’t want to be alone, and they knew that and use that to their advantage to get what away with murder. My ex was literally sleeping with half of our town, he proudly admitted in the end that he had slept with over 250 women in the five years that we were together. I want you to do an exercise for me. I want you to take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left side you’re going to write i am statements￼￼￼. All of the mean girl things that you say about yourself. I am ugly, I am worthless, I am stupid, etc. and then on the right side I want you to write the opposite. I am beautiful, I am worth it, I am smart, etc. and then I want you to take each positive statement and put it on an individual post it and I want you to put those posts everywhere in your house, in your car, at your job, and whenever you see them, I want you to repeat them with conviction like a daily affirmation. Sometimes we need to forgive ourselves, we need to forgive those that hurt us, not to their face, but to yourself, not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace within and they are no longer going to be the reason for your unhappiness. Happiness comes from within, never depend on anyone for your happiness or you will surely be let down and disappointed. That’s why you have to learn to love yourself. Be your own best friend. Be your own cheerleader, and realize that you can do anything that you put your mind to. We all have motivation within us whether you wanna believe it or not. We all have the motivation to do our daily routine, to finish a series on Netflix to do anything on auto pilot. That’s motivation. It’s a pattern that you’ve done over and over again. It’s some thing that you do on auto pilot. Because you’re so used to it, it comes naturally to you. Life is what you make it, if you aren’t happy, you change what you can, and what you can’t change, you learn to love, accept, and embrace yourself flaws and all. My body has been there for me through Everything that I have been through. My favorite Eleanor Roosevelt quote is no one can make you feel inferior, without your consent. No one can get a rise out of you unless you allow it. Everyone can kiss your ass. If you ever go to a gym class and you’re too embarrassed to go there, think of it this way when everyone is doing a plank in the room and holding up their own body weight, do you know who the strongest person in that room is, the heaviest person. Because you were holding up half of your own bodyweight, which is more than everyone else in that room. So never let anyone make you feel bad about yourself, never let anyone look down on you or make you feel inferior, or treat you poorly, because they don’t deserve to be in your life, they don’t respect you, they don’t respect your boundaries, And they most certainly do not appreciate you or deserve to have you in their life. You walk away from situations that no longer serve you. I love myself, I love my body, I love who I am, I am a strong independent confident woman, I don’t tolerate bullshit, I tell men day one￼￼. I don’t do hook ups, I don’t do friends with benefits, I’m a relationship person, and if you aren’t down for that, then I don’t waste my time. That usually weeds out the pump and dump guys. I don’t tolerate bullshit, I will match your effort, I do not chase after a man, I don’t surround my life and make a man my life anymore. A man is part of my life, and if the relationship doesn’t last, that’s OK my life goes on. Life existed before them, and it will exist after them. They aren’t my reason for breathing, they are in my air I breathe, they are just a part of my life. And I will be OK if they walk away. No biggie. Does that mean I am a cold person or not attached or emotionally distant absolutely not, but I match their effort, if they do the minimal I do the minimal. I do not chase after a man anymore. Absolutely not that’s how you get used and taken advantage of.

Answer

A lot of times in relationships. Guys start out strong and do everything under the sun to get you, and once they have you, they do the minimal they flip the script, and you end up chasing after them doing the maximum to try and keep the relationship going. No not anymore. I tell a guy if you don’t hear for me, you know why because you didn’t make the effort to reach out to me first. The egg does not chase the sperm. I am happy, I am content, I am OK whether I am in a relationship or not. When I’m in a relationship that man worships the ground that I walk on because it is evenly distributed. My current partner loves my confidence, he loves my body every inch of it, he loves everything about me that man goes down on me, he does anything under the sun to please me, both physically sexually you name it. He says he wishes. That I would walk around naked more often, he loves my body. Is my body perfect, absolutely not, my boobs sag, I have belly fat, I have huge thighs, do I care, no. This is my body, if you don’t like it, kiss my ass you don’t deserve to be in my life and that’s how you have to be. You can do anything that you put your mind to. And if you need to talk to someone about your mental health for anything else, I can give you some phone numbers to call. But you will never be happy in a relationship, until you find happiness within yourself. He will push your partner away, you will sabotage the relationship, you will blame previous partners mistakes on the current partner and sabotage the relationship. You will allow insecurities and previous trust issues and so many other things to sabotage future relationships until you deal with your past. And let that shit go. It no longer serves you, people can’t hurt you anymore unless you give them the power to do that. You don’t live there anymore, and you are giving them the power and the permission to allow them to hurt you over and over again. You need to let that shit go. Let go of the pain, let go of the hurt, And stop allowing people to hurt you over and over again you are choosing that, you are choosing to allow them to hurt you you are choosing to be a victim, you are choosing the behavior in the lifestyle that you have chosen, choose differently, choose happiness, choose love, choose better. Am I saying any of this to be mean or anything else, absolutely not. I am saying it from the heart, I am saying it because you clearly want better in life, you want better for yourself, you want better for your well-being, your mental health, etc. find happiness, find love, do you things that make you feel good about yourself, volunteering is an excellent way to not focus on yourself, and focus on others instead, it gives you an attitude of appreciation that you don’t have to deal with what they do, feeding the homeless at a soup kitchen, Habitat for Humanity, people have lost their homes, reading to the blind, it gives you a different perspective and to not focus on the little things, and to not focus on your problems, but to focus on other things and there’s a bigger world out there than just what is inside your home. And it makes you Appreciate life and your priorities become different and everything changes when you volunteer and give of yourself, and get back to your community, it’s like a makeover for the soul. I’m here if you need to talk, love yourself, take care of yourself, pamper yourself, do things that make you feel good about yourself, bubble baths, daily affirmations, journaling, exercise, exercise is excellent for depression, anxiety, and so many other mental health issues because when you exercise your body releases endorphins and dopamine and all the feel good hormones serotonin, that help with pain, change your mood, and make you feel better about yourself. I love myself with her I am 350 pounds, 250 pounds, or any other weight. Whether I have loose skin, cellulite, stomach fat, I couldn’t care less, I love myself, it’s not that I’m full of myself or I have a big ego trip, it’s that I know I am worth it, I am worthy of love, I am worthy of so much more in life. I love myself inside and out, and for the hell that I’ve been through, it deserves everything that life has to offer. We all do.

How do I become Confident in myself & my body?

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey