TW SUICIDE

I don’t know how to start this post so I’m just gonna start talking 🙃 I have very severe separation anxiety from my boyfriend, I’ve been with him for 9 months and I’ve never had anyone treat me so amazingly. It started a few months into the relationship when my last relationship (husband) ended his life during the divorce process after we’ve been separated for 5 months.

Since then I’ve not been able to be away from my boyfriend due to fear of him committing suicide or dying in a car accident (he got into a really bad one 2 weeks into the relationship and should’ve died). I’ve gotten better with it but saying goodnight is always drawn out for nearly an hour it’s almost an ocd type thing since I need him to promise me we won’t die and he’s going to be okay ect. It doesn’t bother him and he understands it, I mainly want help so I can stop being in constant anxiety and panic when he’s not here. It’s gotten to the point of taking a photo of him every night before bed so I’ll have something to remember him by, or recording him saying goodnight if he ever dies.

The separation anxiety is almost 100% fear of him dying, not him leaving or cheating since I trust him and he knows that. He’s genuinely the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

With my former partner dying is my first experience with someone close to me dying and it’s been very hard to cope with and come to terms with morality, which is the main issue. My boyfriend understands it since he lost his mother in his teens (he’s 23 I’m 20 married immediately after 18 to clear up any confusion of timeline).

If anyone has any suggestions, or therapy types that can help it’d be greatly appreciated. I’ve been thinking about going to the VA for help since my former partner was a Marine and he always told me to go there if I needed help