Single moms or sahm

I’m a single mom of two under two, a 2 year old son and a recently one year old daughter, and I’m losing my mind.. I feel terrible and like the worst mom every night when they go to bed.. because all I did all day was yell to stop fighting to leave each other alone, to not scream when one is sleeping, to not throw toys or hit my sister or others and I can barely hang with my sister because we both have two under two at the same age and the two year olds always fight and scream so it’s chaotic that we just stay home most of the time.. my son doesn’t talk much, he screams a lot though and is super hyper typical boy toddler, but he is being assessed with pediatrics and has speech therapy, because he’s super aggressive as well so it’s hard to leave the house with him and his sister, and my daughter is super attached to me, she’s breastfed, I can’t even cook because she literally hangs on to my leg crying to be carried, and when she does that my son will be pushing me and I’m standing by a stove tryna cook and I lose my temper and yell at them to leave me alone for minute.. this is so hard.. especially when you don’t know anyone in town or have a help from their dad and his family because they ignore my text messages and blocked me, and their dad has a no contact order with us because of abuse.. I just idk.. I keep telling myself everyday will be different but it always ends with me yelling and exhausted.. am I a terrible mom for just letting them cry to sleep in their own beds so I can sleep in my own room? Or for just throwing away the bottles and saying no to breastfeeding? Am I bad mom for just letting them fight it out or figure out who gets the toy on their own? Am I a terrible mom for just letting them be while I cook and clean and take care of myself? Idk how to find the time to take care of myself when my kids are always by me, pulling me and grabbing at me and screaming in my face all day everyday.. I’m losing my mind :(