Backstory : I’m an 18 year old female. I haven’t had sex since March 2020 with my ex boyfriend. It was a hard break up and I just wanted to wait for the right guy again.

Fast forward to June 2021:

I started hanging out with a guy I have been friends with for about 4 years. We have constantly flirted and I’ve always weirdly had feelings for him even though we only talked through the phone. Finally we hung out this summer and after a few times I realized that I wanted to have sex again and with him. He is also 18.

The first time we tried he couldn’t get hard. He was really embarrassed and just kept telling me he was really nervous and I was understanding. I had never been in this situation but my friends had so I really didn’t think much about it. Stuff happens.

So we keep hanging out and a few times later we decided to try again and it was going really well I thought. Then boom he couldn’t get hard again. Again I was understanding and wasn’t rude and just told him it was fine. But it wasn’t. He said again he was really nervous, this hasn’t happened before and that he doesn’t know why it’s happening because “ i’ve never wanted to have sex with a girl as much as i do with you.” We talked about it and I told him how it made me feel since it was the second time in a row it’s happened and he just kept telling me he was just nervous. It wasn’t my fault.

I want to believe him and I do but I’ve been thinking it about it so much and I just feel like he doesn’t actually find me attractive. I’m definitely not ugly and I don’t think I have a bad body. I know he’s definitely use to having sex with girls who are literally size 0 or 2 and I’m a size 8 so i’m starting to think it’s me not him. We still talk everyday and he tells me he misses me all the time and can’t wait to come home. (he left for college) so i just don’t get it.

I guess what i’m asking here is this normal? Can a guy be that nervous twice in a row to not get hard? He’s an 18 year old boy I thought they were just filled with hormones I don’t get it. I also just don’t know how to stop thinking about it and blaming myself. It’s so embarrassing to me to even talk to my friends about it because I truly think it’s my fault.