Just trying to sleep around or genuinely interested?

Question

So I met this guy at the gym. Very nice guy, we have a mutual friend who I asked about him and he assured me that he’s an incredibly nice guy. I have a HUGE fear of running into bad men because I’ve dealt with so many, so anxiety is through the roof right now that he’ll be just like them. 
So here’s the deal: he’s super nice, funny, charming, incredibly attractive, etc. Now he’s only been out of a relationship for about 2 months (I’ve been out of one for 4 now). He has told me without me even having to ask he really wants to take me out on a date, wants to kiss me, wants to ask me to hangout on the weekends, etc but is in a weird spot having just been out of his relationship (a lot of baggage as he said, which I just dealt with myself so I get it). He has told me he likes me but he’s trying to keep himself from rushing into anything so soon so he doesn’t decide in a few months it was a bad decision (which again, I didn’t plan to date anybody either, my plan was to stay single and unbothered for quite awhile and then I met him and I question if I really want to still do that now, which I believe is where he’s at too). He has also mentioned that he doesn’t want me to feel like I have to wait around for him and if I meet someone else he won’t be mad nor blame me. We talk pretty much all day every day, and the little bit of time I’m aware he has (he works a lot) he uses specifically to come see me at the gym. He’s very kind in person and doesn’t hide his interest whatsoever. He compliments me a ton both via text and in person, but he’s never made a single sexual comment or asked for sex. He’s only mentioned that he’s more attracted to me than he ever has been to anyone, but it really seems he’s holding himself back from actually acting on it. I bust his balls quite a bit (just the type of person I am lol) and I feel like a guy looking for sex wouldn’t even bother to put up with that but I’m not sure either. If he really is a nice and genuine guy, this will be great. I’ve literally never dealt with a nice guy so I don’t even know how they act to tell the difference! My gut is telling me the situation is fine but my head worries because “what if it’s too good to be true”, given I don’t typically meet nice men. Any advice?

Answer

I guess im the odd one out but I'll say this. I do not trust men who "want to be with you but" have a billion reasons why its not a good time for them. Especially if they are the one who approached you first. I personally would move on.

Answer

See where it goes but remember you’re single and can see other people too. I feel like this could be a set up to string you along as a fwb.

Answer

There’s always going to be the “what if” scenarios in your head when you meet someone new. If you wanna keep talking to him/seeing him do it. It sounds like he’s being upfront with you on his current intentions which is good. If you eventually want something more and he still doesn’t, move on.

Answer

He's asking to date you, to test the water that's generally what it's for. If you like this guy and he likes you why rush into a relationship? Date for a couple of weeks/months and see where it goes. You don't have to sleep with him until you're in a relationship. Some people move on pretty quickly after breakups, it depends on the person and situation.

Answer

I would see where it goes, just text and be friendly until he's ready, people do need time to heal once they get out of relationships. I will say that him not talking about sex is great, my husband was like that as well and I was the one wanting to take everything slow.

Answer

Play it cool and be his friend, take it one day at a time for however long it may last. Don’t put all your eggs in the basket thinking that he’s going to be your husband, from day one, obviously but he’s telling you the commitment may not happen anytime soon, if you’re looking for a relationship, it’s probably not gonna be with him, it may be a friends with benefits type of situation going, but he does not want the commitment especially not right away so keep that in mind before you decide, and he’s already telling you commitment is not happening, that’s why he said if you meet someone else, I don’t wait for him etc. because for him to come around to a relationship, is not happening anytime soon. If you want to go on a date with him, then go on a date with him, it’s just food, there’s nothing to be afraid. If you don’t wanna be alone with him, then don’t put yourself in that type of situation, take your own vehicle, don’t go back to his place, hang out at coffee shops and public places, if you’re not ready to engage in sex, and keep things in a casual comforting scenario around you, he’s not gonna try and grope you in public, he’s not gonna try and stick his hand up you or anything else in public, take your own vehicle and that way you always have an exit if things go south, don’t go back to his place or him come to your place until you’re ready and comfortable and ready to make that type of commitment to the relationship. Tell him upfront luck I don’t do hook ups, I don’t do friends with benefits, I’m a relationship girl, and if you’re not down for that, then we should just stay friends. And until you’re ready for a commitment, I’m not going there sexually. Trust me if a man truly wants to be with you, he will say they want OK we’re in a relationship. If you are what he wants, he will jump over mountains for you. Otherwise you didn’t waste any time. And if he’s a guy who’s looking for a pump and dump, remember everyone puts on their best face in the beginning, no one says hi I’m an asshole he’s just gonna use you and then treat you like shit and then ghost you or dump you. No one would probably want to be with them unless they are the type of woman who wants to change everyone and these people don’t change. Keep it casual, just be friends, until you are ready, that’s how I would play it. Until he’s ready for a commitment, he’s looking for something casual meeting friends with benefits or hooking up. He doesn’t want a relationship right now he doesn’t want to commitment, he doesn’t want the responsibilities and the drama and everything that comes with a relationship. He’s looking for something casual meaning hooking up or friends with benefits, if he was truly looking for a relationship he wouldn’t be bracing you for the worst in the beginning. He’s already letting you know that he’s not looking for a relationship, he’s looking to have fun and something casual. And if you are clearly looking for more, then this is not the person to be experiencing with. But if he really wants to be with you, he will make the effort. Always remember that the egg does not chase the sperm. Let him pursue you, let him contact you first. I tell men I do not chase after a man, I will match your effort, you will not hear for me if I don’t hear from you first. I have standards, I deserve respect, a lot of the times been put in the maximum in the beginning, they get lazy or comfortable, they flip the script and do the minimal and then you end up chasing after them. That seems to be the trend, and then you do anything to keep the relationship going, and in the end, you end up getting disrespected, used, taken advantage of, etc. because you don’t want to be alone, and they realize that which is why infidelity happens etc. because they know you’re not going anywhere and they can get away with murder. Set the standard from the beginning. You will not tolerate bullshit. I told guys day one I do not tolerate bullshit, I don’t like liars, cheaters, I don’t tolerate and I list everything I don’t tolerate, what I consider cheating, if you consider porn cheating then you need to let him know, if you consider strip clubs or fan only or anything else, biggest problem relationships is social media, are you the type of person who get jealous and insecure if he’s liking and commenting on other woman’s photos, you need to tell him upfront what he’s getting into with you and what you expect of him and what your anticipation and what are his intentions. If he thinks of you as a bitch, then so be it, but if he thinks you’re gonna be a doormat that he can walk all over take advantage and use, he’s going to figure that out real quick that you’re just around because of emotional codependency when you’re not wanting to be alone. You need to set the standard in the beginning. So that doesn’t happen. If you don’t make the effort I will not make the effort either I will match your effort, if I am distance, is because you are distant. I will not chase after a man. That is the bottom line and that’s how so many women get used and taken advantage of. Because they tolerate the bullshit. Don’t surround your life and make this man you’re the air you breathe because if the relationship doesn’t work out, you crumble, have a life of your own and find that balance of a relationship and your own personal life otherwise women crumble when the relationship doesn’t work out because I don’t have a life of their own and they make that man their life.  Put yourself first, put your happiness first, take care of yourself, love yourself, date yourself, pamper yourself, you don’t need a man to do those things, a man doesn’t complete you, you complete yourself. Never depend on anyone for your happiness or you will surely be let down and disappointed. Happiness comes from within, take it one day at a time. If your gut is telling you not to go there, then listen to your gut, and perhaps maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship at all like you said taking some time to heal from your previous relationships, jumping from one to another doesn’t fix the problems, on the contrary you carry that baggage with you and sabotage relationships by blaming the new person for what the last person did. You can’t go into a new ship and not expect that ship to sync with your baggage. You’re sabotaging the relationship even before it’s begun. You need to deal with the baggage and so does he frankly he’s already telling you he’s got baggage and he has not healed from the previous relationship, and the last thing you want is him lashing out at you for something that someone else did or blaming you or having trust issues or being paranoid or anything else. He should never have that kind of anxiety going into a relationship with someone. You should never have to walk on egg shells because of previous trauma, or them having anger issues or anything else, you never truly see someone’s bad qualities until the situation arises, that’s why it takes a good year to get to know someone and even still they can shock you. You don’t know how he handles stress, anxiety, depression, anger, and if he will take any of these things out on you, you don’t know if he’s jealous, possessive, controlling, manipulative, has mental health issues like bipolar or schizophrenia or narcissism or anything else, everyone puts on their best face in the beginning. Remember that. They suck you in emotionally, they suck you and physically, and then you see the real them eventually. And women fall in love with the original person that they are and they forget that they are with a totally different person now, they fall in love with what used to be who he used to be, and don’t really live in the present of who he truly is now. And women stick around and deal with so much crap because they don’t want to because We dismiss red flags in the beginning because we want to give them the benefit of the doubt, we want to give them a chance, or as women we tend to do that, and instead those red flags in the beginning that we dismissed, end up being the problem at the end as to why the relationship doesn’t work because we dismiss them in the beginning. Keep your eyes wide open, think with your head not with your heart and your emotions, don’t allow your emotions to blind you from who he truly is and the reality of the situation. Tread lightly, take it one day at a time, but if your gut is telling you know, then don’t go there and just be his friend.￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼

Just trying to sleep around or genuinely interested?

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