So these past two years and currently I have went through a lot that made me question God. I felt as if he let me down tremendously and I couldn’t ever rely on him. I lost myself and felt as if I couldn’t pray or even have the thoughts of speaking to him in my head. Currently I feel more at ease and I feel guilty I turned my back on him. I realized in my time of darkness he did in fact pull me through. I truly want to surrender to him and live my life and thoughts correctly. I was raised Christian and did go to church every Sunday when I was young. Now that I am much older and trying to start a family, this is really important to me. My husband refuses to go to church but has accepted when we have children it’s my priority which means it’s our priority to raise them in Gods eyes. I don’t even know if that makes sense, but I just want to surrender to him I guess. How do I even do that? Our church’s are just too old school so it’s not intriguing to me. I have visited a few and I don’t feel a good bond at all. I just need guidance.