Hey ladies, I’ve got to vent! I don’t have many friends whom I can trust this with because it’s very personal but I’ve got to get it out of my chest… my parents lied to me for 28 years! 2 weeks ago my mom told me my dad is not my biological father. A week ago I found my biological father. Everything has been spiraling down and I don’t know what to do, feel or think. I am stuck in shock, I have not shed a single tear but I feel like if I don’t this will create some type of melt down for me later on.

In my mind this person wanted nothing to do with me so if I ever did find him it would be no biggie because he’d probably already have a family and wouldn’t want me in his life. But NO, he had been looking for me all along, he has a family who knew about me for YEARS, way before I even knew he was my father. I was a missing piece for them and now that they have found me they are over the moon, but to me they are someone whom I just found out about so I cannot feel absolutely anything for them, I cannot feel love or the excitement that they feel. I can’t help but feel so weirded out when I speak with him. Because to clarify at first he really didn’t want anything to do with my mom when I was born but regretted it down the road and looked for me but it was too late as my mom had moved to a different state. So my thing is he had a chance to have me in his life and he lost it!

He has tried to call me everyday since, message me everyday, his kids call me sister, he calls me daughter and have shown me love but I feel so fucked up not feeling the same. I actually feel as if I’m cheating on my dad (the one that raised me) I feel gross, every time I get a message or call from the I feel like puking, I haven’t been sleeping well just thinking but not being able to figure out how exactly I feel. It’s driving me nuts and I don’t know what to do. I wish I would have never known, I wish I would have never found them, I wish they wouldn’t love me already the way they do now. But I feel like it would be super messed up for me to just cut them out of my life. I am placed in such a fuxked up situation I’m just praying it doesn’t affect my mental health.