I am confused

I'm pretty new to masturbation... I'm 19 and haven't been able to until now cause I couldn't feel it however I have trouble now too because I'm mentally disabled and it just feels wrong...I'm still transitioning from child to teen in my mind I'm not near adult yet and my "orgasms" keep disappearing! And I can't repeat them ever! Why!? I never get a full orgasm I had to talk to my dad about it because I don't have a mom he said that orgasming is supposed to be felt throughout your entire body and be just different than what I was explaining and I said well what about when the girls do the squirting thing I never have he said then I didn't fully orgasm what's wrong with me then!? He said I'm mentally blocking myself because I'm not mentally ready and that's ok but I actually WANT to be ready! But it's true when I say I feel I'm doing something wrong I get my embarrassed and ashamed. I'm glad I have an understanding dad to talk to but I need help from girls who experience girl orgasms