Clit rubbing does nothing for me

Since I started masturbating in February when my husband gave me my first toy for Valentines day I rarely get aroused anymore by him when he touches me. Our marriage has been Rocky which I believe is why he gave me the toy in hopes to help out our sex life. (he lost my love by his sneaking around drinking after our children and myself would go to bed for many years) Since February we've bought more toys. He doesn't know how to use them to make me feel the way I can on my own. I've tried explaining to him what to do. He tries and I can feel good but that's about it.

I think I'm a control freak and just need to do it on my own to get the sensation; like he can't do it for me. Possibly all in my head. He tries in bed but his length just isn't there to hit my spot. With my clit getting rubbed I don't get the sensation I should to make me come. I'm assuming his length shortage is due to him being over weight. In two decades I can count on one hand how many mind blowing orgasms I've had with him. Yes, I've had orgasms before but only a few that have made me melt. I'd like to try a different partner to know if I can still feel like I've been longing for.

In the past year I've fallen out of love with him in wanting to be intimate. He's the father of my children which is why we're still a family. I haven't had sex with him in two months (only reason I did that was because of our anniversary) and haven't done nothing since. Last weekend he went down on me and it did nothing for me. This morning he tried rubbing my clit to get me aroused. It felt like he rubbing my arm. It's embarrassing to say this stuff. He loves me so much and I'm pained that I don't feel the same for him. I've tried to, really.

A) Suggestions on how to get the spark back that has been lost? (we've tried to go on dates together like we used to as well as double dating, snuggles, watch movies at home without Interruption from the kids, evening walks, hand holding, etc. I only see him as a friend/roommate)

B) Is this why I can't get aroused by him anymore because my love for him as a soul mate has been lost?

He knows how I feel about us and him so there's no secrets. He also knows the reason why I never left him before is because of the children we share. I come from a divorced family and don't want that for my kids until they all graduate from high school.