This is going to be a salty post, but I have to get these feelings out somewhere:

Why do all the women who don't want kids, barely tolerate their partner, aren't emotionally or financially ready for kids, or are alcoholics get pregnant at the drop of a f*cking hat?? It seems so unfair. It's like, the people who need to learn a lesson (the lesson being grow tf up) get "blessed" with a child over and over and the people who truly want one and are ready for it get nothing.

I know this is a petty thing to write.....but I'm in tears today. I've watched several of my friends have not one but TWO children in the time I've been trying to conceive. And they always tell me all the negatives about being pregnant and having kids, as if they have a long list of what sucks about raising children and nothing positive to say.

My "best" friend who's currently pregnant with her second child specifically mentions to me ALL the time how this pregnancy sucks and she wishes it would be over, I hate being pregnant, and tells me about every negative symptom she has all day long, every day.

I'm over here like....do you realize how much these comments hurt me deep down? I feel like saying, I would LOVE to be nauseous to the point of not being able to get out of bed like you. Because I would know that I feel sick because I'm pregnant, and that thought would fill me with so much joy I would withstand any symptom with a smile on my f*cking face. . These people are supposedly my friends and have known me for years.

Now to myself and my husband.. .We get jealousy vibes a lot from our group of friends because we're the only happy and successful couple 💑 (we really are soulmates, we have a beautiful relationship and I thank God every day for him). My marriage is the ONE thing I have in life that I can always rely on to fill me with joy. I can tune out that jealousy from them, no problem. Everyone else in our group is either in a toxic relationship or a marriage that's on the rocks, or they just feel "stuck" together because of the kids they have and many of these couples are cheating on their partners. All of them have 2 or more kids. But they all know that hubby & I have been TTC for years, and all of them are constantly complaining to me about one thing or another regarding pregnancy, children, or their partner. It feels like they are attacking me, albeit passive aggressively, where they know it hurts.

I thought I was tripping and overanalyzing the situation because I'm so hurt about not having babies with my soulmate yet.... everyone in a bad situation seems to get pregnant every time they LOOK at their partner. However, my husband pulled me aside the other day and said that he feels my best friend is throwing her pregnancy in my face every chance she gets. And this is supposed to be my BEST friend. Her marriage was headed towards possible divorce until she got pregnant again and we both know they're jealous of my relationship with my husband, because we all hang out all the time and we're always having fun, smiling and holding hands while they argue, bicker, insult each other and sometimes ruin the whole outing with a big loud embarrassing fight in public.

The point of this post is to vent my feelings, so thank you to anyone who took the time to read this, truly. I know it's not emotionally mature of me to feel like this, but I legit just can't help it right now....