i feel abandoned by god

or maybe disconnected is a better word?

i grew up a christian. i’m no longer religious. a religious god does not serve me. but i still believe in god. a higher power. a strong source. but i don’t feel a connection. when i pray i feel like i’m talking to nobody.

in moments of lonesomeness, sadness, despair, suicidal thoughts, self harm thoughts….i want to lean on god but feel absolutely nothing. i feel nothing but alone. which makes me super anxious and fearful.

because i’m not religious i don’t how to connect to god.

when i was younger i’d listen to gospel or read the bible. but that doesn’t serve me anymore. i no longer believe in the bible and gospel sings about a god i don’t believe in.

is there anybody that has some advice?