Been going through a pretty rough few years and at the start of the year I met the guy of my dreams. All was well apart from the odd arguements that everyone has. In September I was out on a day/night out and had a good drink with friends and family and had a blast. I stayed with him at his mums house and went to go home but was locked out. As its not my house I didn't want to wake everyone up and stupidly posted on Facebook drunk and not thinking about being locked out and a guy that I knew through working in a local pub pestered me through messenger to go to his and save me being locked out.. I kept trying to refuse kindly as I didn't want to go to another guys house, I wanted in my bed with my man. In the end I felt pressured into going to agreed to let him pick me up in a taxi until early morning when people would be awake. As his taxi drew up my boyfriends brother came home but there was a key in the back of the door and we were both locked out, I had no money to give to the guy to pay his taxi home and felt I had to go as he had came all the way to get me so I stupidly went with him. By this point I had sat outside for 2 and a bit hours so was considerably sober. When we got to his house I used the shower as I was so so cold and got ready. After that this guy raped me 😔 I kept saying no but he kept going 😭 my bf messaged me after he woke up and I wasn't in and he came and got me. He asked where I had been but j was so scared and didn't know what to do, I lied and said it was a friends house that had a few people in for drinks. It caused us so much Agro and stress and I'm now on antidepressants because I couldn't cope. Eventually one day about 6 weeks later I caved and messaged him and told him what happened and then tried to kill myself. I couldn't bring myself to see his face, how crushed he would be and upset that I'd lied. Eventually we managed to sort things and he told me understood why I lied about it, and all he has done is flung it back in my face, been controlling and iv felt like iv been treading on egg shells. Today he broke up with me because he couldn't stop thinking about how I'd lied. Now I'm left in a worse state than ever and all I want is him 😭 even after the way he's treated me and the way he has spoke to me.. I guess I'm just looking for someone to chat to.. A bit advice a bit of anything 😭 SOS x