Why??

Why do I LITERALLY HATE pregnant women?? They’re literally SO ungrateful for their blessing. Complain complain complain

I get better mentally then I regress back to this dark place

ID GIVE ANYTHING TO FEEL WHAT THEIR COMPLAINING ABOUT

My head has been fucked up ever since my baby had to be removed. I want to wish everyone ill will but I know it’s not right, I want everyone to feel how I feel but I know it isn’t right. Why me. Why my baby. Why does the universe hate me? Part of me knows I did it to myself, I starved myself when I was a teen so I could be skinny and pretty, dr said that could’ve caused my tube to be damaged which could’ve caused the ectopic. I beat myself up EVERYDAY. I want to go back to starving that’s all I deserve but then again I want a child one day. Anytime I’m happy it’s ALWAYS taken from me. I only have one tube now, 50% chance less than everyone else TTC. I just want to sleep, I dream of being pregnant and happy. I dream of my baby. I just wanna sleep and dream of the life I’ll never have.