Venting

I can really end my life right here right now. 😂 I am emotionally checked out. Lol. I am not selfish so I wouldn’t actually do it but I feel I’ll attempt but I’m so much better then that. I am. But things always seems to bring me downnn. I am supposed to be happy… you know. I broke family curses, I am the first to graduate out of my brothers (no shade, I love them ❤️), I just got married etc. anyway, I would repeat “do you really wanna be a coward and selfish and leave everyone who loves you so much” obvi, noo. I feel I have to do things to make other people comfortable, like why can’t I just be myself. Enjoy the things I want to do. I feel no one sees me for me nor understands me. So I cry I’ll just cry my ass off until I sleep. I literally be sad yo. I feel I can’t talk to no one about how I feel nor express it. I move on from things when I completely try to understand and think over the issue, I can’t just move on quick 20 minutes later like that. At least give me a day. But I feel I can’t even do that. I feel this is a safe space for me to just vent privately and anonymously cause I don’t have time. I’m very sensitive but I shouldn’t have to be blamed for it man like I’ll sit here look on the internet and do my best to not be the way I am and honestfuckingly (ik it’s not a word) that’s not healthy for me. I am already stressed. I pray, & I do my best to leave it alone, but I feel I am so tired man.

If you read this long behind paragraph I appreciate you. You really didn’t have to read it 😅. But you did and allowed me to just vent. Also I’m crying so I know the grammar is horrible I’m so sorry!