Second-degree vaginal tearing at birth

Six weeks postpartum when your OB approves pelvic exercises, how the hell do you get back on that horse if you've avoided kegels like the plague because otherwise you'd rip all your stitches?

Bathroom visits were always an adventure because you don't want to control any lower sphincter.

Can't turn yourself on because squeezes felt like the devil's talons on your vaginal walls and you'd bleed like a mo-fo.

I had no external tearing at all during a drug-free, intervention-free vaginal birth. But I did need stitches internally for multiple second-degree vaginal tears from a full-term, eight pound baby boy.

Been masturbating since I can remember, masturbated my entire pregnancy minus the last month, and going from very regular, very consistent sexual pleasure to cold turkey nuthin' for over two months.... I'm TERRIFIED to try anything myself or start anything with my partner. I was in such pain for so long and I don't want to experience anything like that ever again.

Anyone get back on that saddle after vaginal stitches?