I married my high school sweetheart. He is wonderful. We were there for each other during really dark times for both of our families. We were all that the other had for a while. We’ve recently come to the agreement that we latched on to each other because we are what we needed at the time. I fear we’ve outgrown each other.

He made out with a chick my junior year and I held it heavy for a few years, now I’m numb to it. But those years made me callous. They made his anger issues worsen. His fuse is short and he’s the kinda guy that starts driving really recklessly if we argue while he’s driving. (Like slam on the gas and speed up kind of angry.) It’s always religion and politics with him- I have my beliefs and they slightly align with his but it’s suddenly his whole personality.

I don’t like his family, I’ve given them multiple chances at a decent relationship and they can’t get over the fact that I don’t believe in Jesus. Their religious views are suffocating, so I stay away. They treat my husband horrible but he crawls back and I’ve stopped trying to save him because I’m literally beating a dead horse at this point.

He loves my family and they love him, more than they love me I feel sometimes. We rescued a dog and I hate the way he treats her half the time, no patience, we don’t agree on training. I grew up with dogs, he never had pets and tries to “alpha” my dog.

I want a family but not if his family will be involved and he doesn’t want kids, whenever I pry about it he responds “maybe later, ask me in 12-15 years” (I’m 23 he’s 25) and “we just are not compatible parents” I’m to the point where I’ve brought up divorce because of want I want for myself. He cries and it hurts me to see him hurting. If he’s not crying and making me feel absolutely horrible- he is pissing me off to no end.

BUT I do not want to have sex with him and that’s all he wants, he is always touching me and grinding against me. I use to like it. Now, I take a bath and use my vibrator, it does the job better than he does anyways. I’ve brought up that all he wants is sex and he’s just grumpy and says “that’s bullshit, you know I love you” I express my feelings very clearly to him in many different ways and he just shuts down with anger and gives me the silent treatment then guilts me by saying he’s not good enough. And I’m really starting to agree with him.

I don’t know what to do. My therapist just keeps having me repeat everything and says that I need to feel it out for myself. This has been going on for almost 2 years. I want to be done but I’m scared, if I can’t find a man that has good values + wants to be a dad- do I make a trip to the sperm bank? I’m willing to be a single mom but I want a connection, I want a partner, I want the love I feel I deserve.

Health related details: I haven’t ovulated in 653 days as of today. I’m currently working with a a doctor and dietician to help my body overcome PCOS so I can hopefully *fingers crossed* get my period back. I don’t have 12-15 years to wait and see what he wants, I feel like I cannot waste such precious time.