Curious kid?

Question

So I’m not sure where to post this but does anyone, specifically someone with a female/girl child, know how to maybe teach or tell their daughter not to bother themselves? I understand there’s curiosity and what not but how would I go about speaking on this.. my child just came up to me saying something “hurts” down there and I asked her what, she was kind of holding herself then she kinda showed me. I think she found her clitoris and was probably bothering it and obviously doesn’t understand it so probably thought it hurts. I know this is weird and probably uncomfortable for you reading this as it is for me writing it but I don’t know how to go about informing/teaching her to just not bother?? She’s 4 about to be 5 if that’s matters?

Answer

It’s completely normal for them to start exploring and touching themselves at that age. I found out that it felt good to grind on my stuffed animals around age 3.5 and I did that nightly from age 4 on into my adult life. It releases endorphins and helped me to relax and fall asleep. My parents realized what I was doing and simply told me that it was only to be done in my own bed or the bathroom and with clean hands (although I never used fingers, I was always using a stuffed animal/pillow/balled up blanket to grind on through my clothes.) My daughter found herself around 2.5 and went through a phase where she would get naked at nap time to play with herself. She doesn’t get naked anymore but I can tell that she still touches herself in bed sometimes especially when she is stressed or needs comfort. I’ve treated it the same way my parents did, don’t tell her it’s wrong or shame her for doing it because then she’s just going to hide it from you and grow up feeling uncomfortable with herself because this “wrong” thing makes her feel good. Teach her it is only to be done in her bedroom or the bathroom and with clean hands. It’s also a good time to teach her that no one else touches those areas except for Mommy, Daddy, and the doctor (unless you have other care givers as well.) 
I’m almost 35 now and I have a very healthy sexual relationship with my husband. I was never molested or exposed myself to others as a child. In fact, my husband has been my only sexual partner. Just because some kids learn to touch themselves at a young age doesn’t mean they will grow up to be abused or sexual deviants.

Answer

it’s normal, i suggest you teach her about bodily autonomy and discuss safe areas she can go to explore by herself and then you can limit time in those areas so she doesn’t do it as often.

Answer

I know my opinion will be very unpopular but I tell my children not to touch their privates outside of using the bathroom or washing themselves or if they need to like fix their underwear. I know it is a natural part of childhood development for children at this age to discover themselves but I don’t agree with letting them develop habits of touching themselves before they know much about that function. I am always very nice about it and usually redirect them. I talk about how it’s their privates and we want to keep it clean (sometimes their hands are dirty and my daughter has scratched herself before). I have a healthy sex life with my husband as well, and have a masters in counseling and plan to become licensed. I know the statistics and what everyone is talking about is an opinion. I struggled with being addicted to masterbation growing up because no one interrupted me growing up. From personal experience I know it’s not healthy for everyone and until my children can understand what habit they are building I’ll just politely move them along. Also if your religion disagrees with it that’s fine, just  be gentle and discuss the lovely things about sex in the future. Don’t stop the conversation about their body as they grow up but keep it a constant thing. Anyway, I just wanted to give you my perspective since it is different from others.

Curious kid?

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