Is this controlling?LONG POST

Question

Please read all of this. I have Bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, ednos, I struggle with addiction, I can be very manipulative, and I cheated on him last year because we were in a bad spot in our relationship and we both acknowledged that it was both of our faults that it happened, I have lied to him in the past about drug use and other things, so I know he has trust issues. When we argue he is calm, I am the one who yells and cusses. Please take the time to read over this and let me know what your opinions are. Thank you.

When he asks me where I am and I tell him, he will drive by to make sure that I am really there and not lying to him

He has told me before that he thinks I'm only with him because I have low self esteem

He thinks I am going to leave him whenever I talk about losing weight and having more confidence in myself (but yet he always calls me beautiful?)

Sometimes I feel like he is only interested in me for sex, and one day I woke up to him touching me "down there" while I was asleep. (He claimed he wasn't aware of what he was doing because he was sleeping)

He threatens to leave if I stay friends with my best friend of 6 years (he doesn't like her, she doesn't like him, they never have)

He gets mad when I wear shorts in public

He goes through my phone when I'm sleeping

He won't let me have any social media

When I had social media, he got mad when I had male followers, or when males liked my pictures

I have to ask him permission to buy something & if I don't ask first he gets mad (he is the only one that works)

He sends me "?????"s if I don't reply to his text fast enough, and if I don't reply to that fast enough he will call me until I answer the phone

He makes me feel bad for not wanting to spend time with him after HE upset ME

Every argument we have always ends up with me admitting I was wrong and everything was my fault, even if it wasn't

I have a curfew, I have to be home from whatever I was doing before he gets home from work or else he gets very upset and makes me feel bad about it

He watches my gas gage to keep tabs on how much ive been driving then questions me about it (he pays for my gas)

I feel like I am a teenager sneaking around behind my parents back. He acts like my father, not my boyfriend and when I tell him that we argue

When he works, he wants me to come to every break he has that day and gets upset if I don't and makes me feel bad about it

I have a friendship tattoo on my ring finger and he is serious about having it cut off of me before he will propose to me, he claims that is HIS finger

He texts me and asks "where are you?" At least 5 times a day when he is at work

Okay, we have been together for 2 years and I love him so much. His mother is controlling and I think he may have learned it from her.
 But he does have amazing attributes. 
I used to be addicted to drugs and hated my family, he got me off of drugs and brought me close to my family again. 
He encouraged me to further my education when I didn't want to. 
He pays for my bills (car payment, gas, phone bill, food)
He makes sure I get my medicine, I don't have insurance so he pays full price for it every month
 He is ALWAYS very calm when we argue, he doesn't yell or cuss or raise a hand to me, and he always tries to explain why this happened and how do we fix it.
He is very respectable to my family, does anything for anybody, and has never disrespected anybody in my family
He sticks up for me when his mother talks bad about me (she is controlling over him)
He understands my mental illnesses and encourages me to find better coping strategies than what I used to use (I used to cut, do drugs, run away, drink)

Please let me know honest opinions, and if you have any advice it would be greatly appreciated.  
I don't know what to do because everytime I tell him that he hurts me, he turns around and puts the blame on me. Somebody help!!!!

Answer

It sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with one another. He doesn't trust you and you can't blame him, if you cheated on him. But I also don't think that you should have to deal with that kind of behavior for the remainder of your life, if you are going to stay in this relationship you both need to take steps towards trusting each other. Are you are that you want to be with him? Or is he just a security blanket to you?

Answer

Well I guess weigh out the positive and negatives. That is controlling, but when you have trust issues that controlling will come out. I can be like that to my boyfriend sometimes, questioning where he is and calling him until he answers because I know he has his phone. I am bipolar, have anxiety and depression as well and I guess I'm on the other side where your boyfriend is coming from. I can understand why he is the way he is, you cheating and lying, but it doesn't make it okay to be as bad as expecting you home when he gets home and going to his breaks and etc. I would say try understanding why he is the way he is, and if you can't understand or deal with it, leave. Also, you could talk about it with him and remain calm (with our mental illnesses it is extremely hard to control our anger issues, but you have to it you want any sort of outcome from the conversation). Good luck, I hope my advice will help.

Answer

It honestly doesn't sound like you are good for each other at all. I'd say end it and move on.

Answer

Sounds like my last relationship. That is VERY controlling. Get out while you can. It's not good for your health.

Answer

Whether or not you cheated is not the point now. He chose to stay with you and that means he has to let it go. He shouldn't continually punish you. As far as the behaviors, yes they are controlling and are definite red flags of worse to come. Please do yourselves a favor and move on. This is not healthy for either of you. I dated a guy that had these same issues, and it definitely got worse, not to mention my nerves were constantly on edge. The numerous phone calls checking up on me, the jealousy over any male friend no matter how minor it was...you both just need to count your losses and move on. Good luck whatever you decide, may peace and harmony find you.

Answer

My girlfriend (we are lesbians) has been diagnosed with schizophrenia/psychosis, GAD, EDNOS, depression, and BPD. We do not live together fully, but we are together about 80% of the time and we stay together for weeks at a time. She has this "friend" who she does not want to be with but he will not stop pursuing her no matter what. He has tried to force himself on her and has kissed her many times even though she punched him for it. But he won't stop. I ask her to not see him or be near him, but she doesn't always listen. She quit talking to him for a while but then she started responding to his texts again. I told her that I do not want him around her and that I would like it if she would quit talking to him. So whenever she tells me that they hung out I get upset and try to hide my disappointment but I never go off on her or anything. I trust her a little less sometimes because it's almost like she doesn't try hard enough to keep him away. I love her so much and we've been together for 10 months, but when we move in together I will be telling her he is not to come over or know where we live. I do not see that as controlling, but I feel like she might. I pay for everything for us that our insurance or families do not pay for (we are 18 and 19) and I am the only one who can drive. She doesn't have a job, but she is looking for one. She's a senior in high school and I am a freshman in college. I helped her through everything and I try to keep her away bad things and I remind her to take her medications. I try my best to make sure she is taken care of. I have read her messages between her and him and her and another girl that hits on her, but she doesn't mind. She even shows them to me sometimes.
 But I would not treat her the way that your boyfriend treats you. He's over the line. I understand him not trusting you, but if he's that worried about it then why is he even with you? I don't go check my girlfriends locations and question her about everything.

Answer

To answer your question, yes those things are extremely controlling. I would even go so far as to question the "good"  things about him as you could possibly be influenced by him (brainwashed) and not thinking clearly. I also think you need to give yourself more credit for the things you've achieved, like getting clean. A good support system is great, but if you weren't strong enough, if you weren't ready, you would still be stuck. Be proud of yourself! When you're ready, you can also break free from this abuse. I wish you the best!

Answer

It sounds like hes very insecure and taking it out on u. But u also have to understand that you have lied and cheated on him so him believing where u are and what ur up to us hard for him to believe. Iv always believed that if their accusing u of something then maybe their up to it?x

Answer

It sounds like he's insecure because you cheated. Either way it's unhealthy on both ends. It's not going to get any better like that. Should move on and let each other find someone you guys  can be healthy with.

Is this controlling?LONG POST

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