Im disgusted with myself

A couple days ago I had the urge to meet somebody off hinge/tinder.

I made plan with this guy to have drinks

But instead he directed me to his hotel (I wasn’t aware he wasn’t from my town) and only offered me a Can beer.

Im a very anxious person I smoked out of my cart constantly to smooth the nerves off how I hated the situation. My reasoning for not leaving was stupid since I didn’t want my “makeup” to go to waste.

Fast forward we’re in his bed watching tv and I could already feel the vibe was trying to give off. I told him I’m okay to do something’s but I don’t want to have sex.

He said that’s okay and we proceeded to make out and he did some👉🏻 💣

He wanted me to do the same but I said no.

After it felt more intense I began to have dark lustful thoughts like “I don’t want to have sex with him but I hope he put it in anyways” I wanted him to ignore my boundaries.

He kept rubbing on to me but after a minute I felt his finger got outside of me and I felt the “tip” go inside. I quickly pushed him back and told him no.

But I didn’t leave.

Instead the whole night was spent me half passed out hoping he would rail me against my wishes so I wouldn’t feel bad about having sex that night.

But every time he would try to put it in I kept pulling him off.

I woke up feeling nauseous and In instant regret. He disgusted me and I left soon after.

I have no idea how I should feel. Im ashamed of myself for allowing this behavior and secretly enabling it.