Out of town parents and in laws: who gets to visit first ?

Question

How do my husband and I decide which grandparents visit first ? They are both out of town. 
I don’t want my mom at a hotel because I want her helping me with the baby whenever possible. Also, there’s always a chance I could have a c section. I don’t want a c section but if I have one, I’ll definitely need more help. 
His parents - I don’t know if we could persuade them to stay at a hotel or not. But maybe we could. They won’t be helping out as much like my mom. 
We would be happy for anyone to stay with us, I just don’t know how to tell them to when they get to come to control the crowd. 
Ideas ?

Answer

Ask when it is convenient for both.
Post baby, I didn't want anyone at my house. I needed to get the hang of it all. No one was going to stick around and do my laundry, etc later. I needed to figure it all out for myself.

Answer

It sounds like you already have in your mind who will be needed immediately for help and who is more or less visiting ☺️ If your mom is going to be your big helper directly after delivery I would say she takes priority.  My MIL is actually the one who has stepped up with both of our boys right after my delivery.  With our first she stayed with me for a week and got my oldest on and off the bus, cooked for me, cleaned my house, got me morning Dunkin😭 god she was an angel!  The second time she took our older son to her house for the first week so I could focus on our youngest.  You could always be very straightforward with your in laws and say “hey my mom will be staying with us to help me out, would you guys want to find a hotel close by?”  They should understand.  I think it’s more common for a woman who’s just given birth to want her mother there for comfort reasons.  I’m just very comfortable with my MIL so it was a different story.☺️

Answer

If you are needing help for whatever reason (is hubs not gonna be home to help?) then obviously you’d have your mom there first. I would give his parents a couple options: if they want to meet baby as soon as possible then they will need to stay on a hotel since your mom will be staying with you(just trust me, you aren’t going to want all these people staying at your house and u guys playing hostess while attempting to get in a routine with a newborn). Or they can wait a week or so until your mom leaves and then visit. I would also restrict them on how long they can stay.

Answer

Your mom gets first dibs, without question. YOU are recovering from childbirth (whether vaginal or C-section, either way you will be recovering) you need someone there who makes you feel calm and restful and also helps with baby or household stuff if needed. My mom is not that person for me, but chances are even if you have a great relationship with his parents they aren't going to make you feel as comfortable as your own mom will.

Answer

My parents get dibs. His parents will probably come a couple of weeks later. 
My parents are more helpful. They are completely self-sufficient, and always helpful with cooking, cleaning, walking my large high energy dogs, etc. Plus I’d rather have my mom around while I’m recovering and dealing with whatever the bodily after effects are. 
His parents are older, they really can’t/don’t do much. I will not be playing hostess to them while we are trying to learn how to be parents.

Answer

I’m sure my parents will visit for a short bit as soon as they can(4 hrs away), probably no more than overnight, and then leave until my mom can come on her spring break(she’s a teacher) but that’s mainly because they both work. My in laws are a bit closer, I’m sure we’ll see them pretty soon after we get home but they are really respectful so once we sort out when my husband will be off and which week my mom will be there I will give my MIL a few options for a week or whatever she wants, I’m hoping she’ll be a little farther after birth, since I don’t think she’ll be as helpful

Answer

Which parents are less to nag you on how to handle your baby which parents are more to follow your rules. Who would you like to be there. For my I can't stand my mother in law for the fact that she goes against my rules or tells me I'm being to protective where as my mom understands boundaries and stays in her lane. We even moved in with my mom for a little while until I could move around without pain and could get into a routine, we tried living with my hubby's mom but she allowed whoever to touch my son and didn't care if someone was sick so we left until we moved into our place. Now that I'm pregnant and my son is 9months old we allow my mom over more because she understands that if she's sick not to come over and not to mouth me or talk bad about my husband(yes my own husband's mom tell my son he's a crappy dad to a 9month old) . It all depends on who respects boundaries and who you feel comfortable with

Answer

I plan to have my MIL come first because we get along really well and will help around more. 
My mom and stepdad will come a few weeks later.