Feeling resentful towards my husband

My husband and I have been married for 4 years and I’m kind of upset about a few things.

I feel like most big decisions we should have made together, have been mostly made by him.

For example- when we bought our house we lived in the town he wanted to. We live in the suburbs, but about 45 minutes away from the city. It’s an extremely expensive area, and the school district is just ok. I wanted to live a little further away from the city- about an hour and a half away, where we could have gotten a bigger house with more property and a better school district, much much less taxes, and paid the same amount we paid for our current house. But he wanted to live near his mom and sister. So now we live down the street from his sister and about 5 minutes from his mom. We live in a little teeny tiny house, 1005 square feet, and pay 14k in taxes a year.

I wanted my living room one color- he wanted another. We went with his idea

I wanted carpets in the bedrooms. He wanted hardwood floors. We went with hardwood.

I wanted three kids- he wanted two. We had two now were done.

I wanted a pool. He didn’t. So we are not getting one.

Those are little stupid things.

I let things go a lot. I don’t like to argue, so I never really “pushed” for anything.

These are the bigger issues-

My husband makes good money and I don’t work at all. He is making over 200k a year. He works crazy long hours its not unusual for him to work a 15 hour long day. I don’t complain that he goes to the gym or goes to see his friends all the time, because I feel guilty I don’t contribute financially so I keep the house clean, have dinner ready when he’s done working. He’s working from home so I make him breakfast lunch and dinner, and bring it to his office whenever he asks. I do 100 percent of the house work, so even tho I don’t work, I feel like I do contribute and should have some say in our families finances. Also, I did work until my second was born, and as soon as my oldest (he’s 3) starts kindergarten I am going to go back to work. I am not lazy and living off of him.

So my house needs some work. My kitchen is so tiny (literary can only fit 1 person in it at a time, it’s that small) and my sons room is only 10x10. I want to combine our kitchen and dining room, and maybe add a dormer so our son can have a bigger bedroom. My backyard is also a complete mess. It’s half cement half grass, and we have no fence, so the kids can’t play back there. My husband says we can’t afford it. I know we can, but it’s just not important to my husband, he doesn’t care our kitchen is small or that our sons room is tiny. My husbands solution is that when our son is a little bit older he can sleep in the fucking basement, which is disgusting, and has a water leak problem. He also doesn’t care our kids can’t go in the backyard, he says to just bring them to the park.

So today my MIL was over. She is talking to my husband about how she is looking into buying vacation home in PA. My husband has always wanted to do this, so he tells her he wants to throw in some money also, so they can get something really nice. When she asks how much, he says he can give 120k. I was like what the fuck. So I told my husband I was not ok with this at all. He was like I don’t see a problem, we have a lot of money saved for retirement, our kids college, investments, blah blah blah. I’m like our current home needs improvements, ideally if we have an extra 120k I want a bigger house, just something that has a bigger bedroom for our son, and somewhere with a better school district. He says no he wants to buy a vacation home with his mom.

I’m so pissed off rn. Do I not have any say at all?? I am letting it go, as I always do. I feel like if he goes thru with this I will end up feeling very bitter towards him.

I feel like anytime I want anything, it gets shut down. It’s not even about things costing money, it’s literally anything I ever want. How would you ladies handle this? We have only been married 4 years, I can’t imagine being totally shut down and feeling totally disregarded for the rest of my life